There are two views about remarrying the one you once married and then divorced. Subscribe now for unlimited access . Login or signup to continue reading $ 0 / $ NaN /year All articles from our website & app The digital version of Today's Paper Breaking news alerts direct to your inbox Interactive Crosswords, Sudoku and Trivia All articles from the other regional websites in your area Continue In my experience, people either say: "How lovely.
I can quite understand." Or they say something like: "I'd rather marry a brown snake and have wasp sandwiches at the reception." I say "in my experience" because on Friday I remarried the woman I had previously married 31 years earlier.
We first wed on May 21, 1993 and then again on August 16, 2024, with a divorce and a lot of pain in between. I remarried and re-divorced - to return to the woman I had never stopped loving. Male foolishness was the cause of the division and diversion.
In the process, I realised remarrying a previous spouse is not as uncommon as you might think. Several people told me they knew someone who had done it - though some did say: "I won't be having that snake back." There are big names who've done it, of course - Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor, Paul Hogan, Elon Musk, all ending in a second divorce.
But they lived in an artificial world of money and show business so few conclusions can be drawn. But it's more common among the common people than you might think. Ken and Dee Willimott got married in Canberra in 1985 and then again on June 20 this year.
Ken and Dee Willimott. Picture by Keegan Carroll "We got back together because Ken is my soulmate," she said at the dining table in their home in Duffy alongside the man she clearly loves. "And we worked out the problems - communication, everything.
"And if I could tell any woman out there that loses a man, a husband, whatever, and he's your soulmate, fight for him." They had separated in 2001 (after 16 years of marriage). "It just crumbled and we thought, 'This is enough of this'," Ken said.
"The spark had disappeared," he said. They were under a lot of pressure at the time with five teenage kids. They weren't communicating, so he went to live with his mother and she went to live with her sister, taking the kids.
But over the years they realised they missed each other. "And there was something missing in our lives so we started dating again," Ken said. Dee said: "One day, Ken came and we talked a lot about our feelings.
It's good to sit down and keep the communication going." They started being open about their feelings. The children were older so some pressure was off.
"We had dinner together and did a lot of talking, and one thing led to another," she said. How common is it? The Australian Bureau of Statistics doesn't collect figures but the psychologist Ann Gold Buscho said: Ten to 15 per cent of couples reconcile after they separate, and about 6 per cent remarry after divorce. Some remarry after working through the trauma of a betrayal or because they still have feelings for the other.
Those figures are for the United States but they are unlikely to be very different for Australia. Each year, there are around 50,000 Australian divorces - 100,000 partners split up. So if Australia mirrors the US, just over 6000 people a year come back together again with the one they left.
The Australian Institute of Family Studies did in-depth research on couples with children who split up. It found: "Parents with a degree or higher qualification were less likely than those with lower levels of educational attainment to have reconciled with their child's other parent." Mr and Mrs Evans (1993).
Picture supplied The main reason for parents getting back together was "for the sake of their children" followed by "a sense that differences had been resolved and they still loved each other. Few parents indicated that financial circumstances prompted their reconciliation. A substantial minority indicated that they 'wanted to be a family again'.
" Some advice Clearly, some splits can never be repaired. The scars of divorce are permanent when betrayal and deception have been prolonged and deep. But healing can happen in other cases.
"If a problem has been resolved, such as lack of intimacy or financial stress, couples may reconnect," the psychologist Ann Gold Buscho counselled in Psychology Today . "Problems such as substance abuse, neglecting the marriage and over-focusing on career, and loneliness due to lack of attention - these are problems that can be resolved with a commitment to couples and/or family therapy and making changes at home." Ken and Dee Willimott said talking through problems was important - sharing thoughts.
"The main thing in any relationship is to keep communication open. If you lose communication, you lose your relationship," he said. Even straying wives and husbands can be forgiven if the regret is genuine.
And time heals. Mr and Mrs Evans (2024). Picture supplied.
"It comes down to what makes a marriage work: shared values, but also being able to put into perspective those things in the past," said the celebrant in Mr and Mrs Willimott's second marriage (to each other), Debbie Taylor of Taylored Celebrations. "I think they realised that they were always in each other's lives and what they had was stronger than what had split them up in the past." There is also practical advice.
"Getting advice on how to protect your assets is really helpful," Adrian Curtis of Australian Family Lawyers said. He emphasised all circumstances differed. But don't go into a remarriage with the same person blindly remained his advice.
"Binding financial agreements" (prenups) can be made before living together before remarriage or even after. When you resume the relationship, you can't be up for another property settlement," he said. And remember what Joni Mitchell said: "You don't know what you've got till it's gone.
" Share Facebook Twitter Whatsapp Email Copy Steve Evans Reporter Steve Evans is a reporter on The Canberra Times. He's been a BBC correspondent in New York, London, Berlin and Seoul and the sole reporter/photographer/paper deliverer on The Glen Innes Examiner in country New South Wales. "All the jobs have been fascinating - and so it continues.
" Steve Evans is a reporter on The Canberra Times. He's been a BBC correspondent in New York, London, Berlin and Seoul and the sole reporter/photographer/paper deliverer on The Glen Innes Examiner in country New South Wales. "All the jobs have been fascinating - and so it continues.
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