SINGAPORE: A woman took to social media on Thursday (Sep 19) to share that her Singaporean in-laws got upset with her when she skipped the “An Chuang ceremony” on her wedding night. Posting on r/askSingapore, a Reddit forum, she explained that while she had a beautiful and lavish wedding in Singapore, paid for and organized by her husband’s family, tensions arose due to differing cultural expectations. As an Australian unfamiliar with many Asian traditions, she made a sincere effort to respect her in-laws by embracing most of their customs, despite not personally sharing their beliefs.
However, she reached her limit when they insisted that she and her husband spend the wedding night at their house for the An Chuang ceremony, a traditional Chinese ritual involving the preparation of the marital bed, instead of staying at the hotel as planned. “His mum said we had to sleep in the wedding bed prepared at their house. For me and my culture this is weird and as a newly married couple the thought of staying at my in laws with them just down the hall on my wedding night is creepy,” she explained.
“I have no problem with them following their traditions but when they force them on me, I am uncomfortable.” She informed her husband that she wanted to stay in their hotel room instead, as this was originally their plan and because it was already part of the wedding package. “I kept saying I was going to stay at the hotel.
We were having a big after party as well so we wouldn’t even get back until after 5am the next day anyway,” she said. Her husband initially agreed with her and tried to convince his mother otherwise. However, after several heated discussions, her husband eventually caved to his mother’s wishes and insisted that they follow the tradition.
In the end, though, after a long day of wedding celebration and an exhausting after-party, the woman decided to go to the hotel, where she had been staying with her mother in the days leading up to the wedding. Her husband, on the other hand, went back to his parents’ house. “Next day all hell broke loose and they weren’t talking to me,” she said.
“What should I do and was I in the wrong for not following this tradition despite being uncomfortable? We are having a wedding in Australia too but had this one in Singapore to appease his family and to give them chance to carry out some of their traditions.” “Your husband should always have your back.” In the comments section, one Singaporean Redditor pointed out that the ritual is actually done one week before the wedding and has nothing to do with ‘sleeping at home on the wedding night.
’ He added, “It’s just to set the bed, and get a baby boy to roll on it. No one I know had actually went back home to sleep on their wedding night cos the hotel will provide complimentary stay. “Your husband should always have your back.
If he’s going to flake now, he’ll always going to side his parents against you ever.” Another shared, “I’m Chinese and I’ve never even seen people forced to sleep in a bed for an chuang..
usually we just get a kid / kids to jump around the marital bed a little? Feels like this is a family issue with your husband’s side, not necessarily sg tradition issue.” Several others suggested that the husband should have taken a more active role in mediating between his wife and his family. One Redditor remarked, “It should be your hubby’s role to stand up to your in-laws’ unreasonable demands.
So coming from me as a guy, please ask him to grow a pair.” Still, there were a few who defended the in-laws, saying that it’s important to respect their customs, especially when they’ve invested time and money in the wedding. One Redditor explained, “The point of doing the SG wedding was to perform some of the cultural and symbolic elements that are important for the groom’s family.
If it’s only one night to do the an chuang then honestly I would have done it as they wished.” Another added, “Your husband should not have gone home by himself on the wedding night. It makes you look so bad to the parents.
“Perhaps what you can do now is to buy some gifts for the parents. birds nest, abalone type of gifts that traditional people like.” Read also: Woman stumped after her BF demanded an S$800 luxury shirt as a birthday gift Featured image by Depositphotos.
