WARNING: This story deals with sexual content and is suitable for adults only. Major dry spells are surprisingly common in relationships, but there are ways to get that spark back. Before going to sleep, the last thing 54-year-old Graham* does is reach across the bed and kiss his wife Laura* goodnight.
This small gesture of affection has endured over two decades of marriage. But for the past six years, Graham has retreated to his side of the bed afterwards, feeling increasingly rejected, resentful – and lonely. “We haven’t been any more physical than that since Christmas 2018, and I’ve given up asking,” admits the Manchester-based solicitor.
“On my birthday she proudly presented me with an expensive pair of monogrammed pyjamas – despite my only ever sleeping in boxer shorts since we met in our 20s. I felt part of me shrivel up in that moment because it so precisely summed up how she saw me: entirely sexless. I’m like a comforting old teddy bear in her bed, not a husband nor a real man.
” Despite the oft-hailed emotional and physical health benefits of regular “nookie”, a barren sex life such as Graham’s is surprisingly common. By our early 40s, one in five people in the UK have stopped having sex completely, according to a YouGov poll, a figure rising to 57% by the age of 74. And the frequency of our lovemaking declines even from as early as our 30s.
In the same survey, 38% of 35- to 39-year-olds said they hadn’t been sexually active in the past week..
