Ah Paris, the City of Light or Love (take your pick) has starred as much as the sports during the Games of the 33rd Olympiad. If you’ve got it, why not flaunt it? The next Summer Olympic instalment will be held in LA, so at the closing ceremony Hollywood royalty Tom Cruise fittingly flew into the Stade de France to symbolise the handover, later cutting to the Red Hot Chilli Peppers playing in front of Venice Beach. A sign of the glitz and glam to come.
And post LA28, the world will excitedly cast its eyes to ...
my hometown, Brisbane. Yep, Paris, LA, Brisbane. Hmm, doesn’t quite have the same je ne sais quoi but what it lacks in iconography it more than makes up for in spirit, and I’m not talking about Bundaberg Rum.
I love Brisbane. I’m from Brisbane, some of my best friends are from Brisbane. Admittedly, I don’t live there any more, but I’ll be there to celebrate when my home city is up in lights and perhaps, finally, worthy of its nickname, Brisvegas.
Now we just need to work out what are we going to showcase that compares to Paris. Our own mini Eiffel Tower on Park Road outside La Dolce Vita restaurant? Should we fire up the Stefan sky needle ? Give the CityCats a buff and polish? I think any Brisbane Olympics organiser watching Paris is shaking in their RMs. Can we really compete on the world stage? “Nah, yeah?” reckons my mum.
Brisbane is a city of 2.3 million people, but that’s increasing every year because of “all the bloody southerners moving here,” she goes on. It’s the country’s third-largest city by a long way, although it doesn’t have an opera house, a harbour bridge or a restaurant open after 8pm.
But I’ll tell you what Brisbane does have is a little flame that burns bright when people doubt it. We are the Raygun of Olympic host cities, and we’ll leave an indelible mark, imperfect or not. Credit: Paris showcased its culture of fashion, gastronomy and the arts.
Brissy will showcase ours: sunshine, enthusiasm, and “I’m not racist, but...
” The Brisbane 2032 Games will showcase the finest Queensland spirit. We will rise at 4:45am because that’s when the sun comes up and the magpies sing. We will get the gurney out and hose down the brutalist concrete buildings, stockpile some fireworks and tell the pubs we need to get out the good glasses.
We know we’ve got a big job on our hardened tradie hands, but we’ll get it done. We’re following in the footsteps of Lady Gaga’s size six heels and Snoop Dogg’s custom Skechers. You’re in steel cap country now.
Either that or thong country – depends on the occasion. The rest of the country loves to make fun of us but, hey, we bring in most of Australia’s Olympic medals. In fact, if Queensland had its own team, it would have finished 13th on the Paris medal table.
Paris has King Louis, but we’ve got King Lewis. River Seine, let me introduce you to our Brown Snake. We’d never try and clean it because we know how much it cost you, and we’ve got the world’s best beaches down the road.
Don’t mind the great white sharks; they’ll do a secret cull before the press shows up. Hmm, there’s a long way to go. But we’ll get there.
Credit: Albert Perez/Getty Images Just as Paris dialled up the French, and LA will surely go peak 90210, Brisbane should turn up the bogan. Be proud of it. I want to see the opening ceremony start with a bang as loud as a modified exhaust on a Ford Focus.
Fire up the jetskis and transport our international guests along the river. Wild Boys Afloat can take a couple of countries and I know a guy with an old tug boat – lez gooooo! We can treat all the athletes to brekkie at Pancake Manor and a Bunnings saucisson, plus of course they’ll have a chance to meet an Irwin. So come on, Brissy.
The world is about to turn its gaze from Paris via LA onto us, so let’s put our best thong forward and show the world our beautiful city because, after all, “we are Queenslanders!” Whatever that means. And if all else fails – take them to Lone Pine Sanctuary to cuddle a koala. They’ll love it.
Lizzy Hoo is a stand-up comedian, writer, actor and presenter..
