If you’re at all familiar with culture, you’ve likely heard the terms “top,” “bottom,” and “ .” Originally though not exclusively used by gay men/ folks who have sex with other AFAB folks, these words are used to indicate whether someone likes to be the penetrating partner (“top”), the penetrated partner (“bottom”) or are down to play both roles (“vers” or “switch”). But what if you’re not down for any of that? Like, what if penetration just isn’t it for you? Enter: “side,” an alternative to the top/bottom/vers trifecta.
Coined by psychotherapist , clinical sexologist and author of , a side is someone (often a gay man) who does not want to engage in penetrative sex. “They enjoy outercourse, not intercourse,” Kort tells . “Sides prefer to kiss, hug and engage in , , , and , to name just a few of the sexual activities they may enjoy.
” While Kort, a side himself, originally created the term for gay men who don’t enjoy (penetrative) , he notes that folks of all genders and sexual orientations may identify as a side, including straight, cis people who find their primary sexual satisfaction outside of intercourse. Regardless of who you are, what kind of sex you like to have, or who you like to have it with, the concept of being a side—the side ethos, if you will—holds some very important insight worth considering for sex-havers of all kinds. In de-centering penetrative intercourse as the end-all, be-all of what constitutes “re.
