The CNE is , continuing the great summer tradition of clogging arteries with deep-fried foods and then bringing it all back up with gut-wrenching rides on the midway. But it can all be so overwhelming. Wrestling! Water-skiers! Extreme sports! HorseCapades! That’s all on top of the more than 60 rides .
So, if you’re crunched for time and on a budget, where do you even begin? The Star sent four reporters — bored and hungry — to the CNE on opening day. The mission: Find the best eats with $40 in an hour, and then see how their stomachs held up on a ride. Some went for extravagant food choices while others were more cautious.
And they opted for the Crazy Mouse Coaster (some more enthusiastically than others). Here’s how it went. Mark Colley with the colossal onion.
The goal: Anything weird. The more off-the-wall the better. I have a big appetite and solid stomach, and I’ll eat anything at least once.
I had the colossal onion first and after downing that, I had little time left. So I frantically searched the hall for the deep fried pickle Oreos — one of my bucket list items. With minutes left and no Oreos in sight, I went nearby for the “crookie” chicken sandwich.
I spent $20 on the colossal onion, an efficient price for a shared snack. Then $18.99 for the crookie chicken waffle, a bad price for a bad snack.
And, over my budget, $15 for the deep fried pickle Oreos I eventually found — and were not worth the search. The colossal onion from The Colossal Onion. My breath? Repulsive.
The idea of eating a whole onion? Repulsive. My fingers at the end? Repulsive. The taste? Pretty damn good.
Like an onion ring, but better. Crookie chicken sandwich from Fried Chicken Sandwiches. There are cookies, and there are croissants, and there is fried chicken.
They should never, under any circumstances, be combined. Avoid at all costs. I’ve got an iron stomach.
I was not 100 per cent, but close enough, even after two rides. Calvi Leon with the big kahuna from Eat My Bowls. I’m that one lactose intolerant friend who still consumes milk no matter how much it may kill me.
With that, my mission was to find anything and everything that looked unusual, funky or even daring. It didn’t take long before Star photographer R.J.
pointed out something that met all three requirements: a carved-out half-pineapple with pickled ginger, jalapenos, avocado, pineapple salsa, and ahi tuna drizzled with spicy mayo on top. And wasabi ice cream. More than half my money, $24.
99, was spent on the big kahuna. Cheap? No. But tasty and worth it.
And, as the staff behind the counter told me when I asked why it’s their favourite: “It’s f—-ing beautiful. You can’t go wrong.” Then, $12 for the wasabi ice cream.
Too much, I think, but I told myself it’s for the ~ experience ~ so, screw it. The big kahuna from Eat My Bowls. Tuna from the Ex is a bit questionable, but I’m still here aren’t I? I wouldn’t say the taste lived up to the physical appeal — it doesn’t get much better than that — but it was surprisingly good.
I don’t enjoy wasabi on my sushi, but this would be different, I told myself. It wasn’t. Nope, not for me.
On fish, on ice cream, on whatever. Still, it was a unique experience, and creativity points should count for something. I was expecting the worst but came out feeling incredible, though there were a few questionable moments while riding the Polar Express on a stomach full of ginger, jalapeños, tuna and wasabi ice cream.
Andy Takagi with the karaage soft-shell crab on a stick from Farm to Fryer. For my first time at the CNE, I had my eyes set on a bit of fun, but mainly the food. I abhor roller-coasters, so a carnival leaves me with just the games and the food.
I’d like to think I’ve got a strong stomach but I’m picky — a personal ban on pickles immediately ruled out about a quarter of the notable meals at the CNE. I was on the hunt for not just gimmicks but a good meal, too. Maybe it was just my choice of eats, but I was left a bit disappointed.
I had my eyes set on a few items but there was one problem: the entirety of the food truck section hadn’t setup shop on opening day, which meant no Spam fries and no deep-fried butter chicken lasagna for me — snacks I had been eyeing beforehand. So after scrambling to find the food trucks, I ran out of time and went underbudget: $19.95 on a whole, deep-fried soft shell crab and $4.
75 on a mochi doughnut. Karate soft-shell crab on a stick from Farm to Fryer. Unless you’re an aggressive crab enthusiast, the whole soft shelf crab might be a bit much.
The legs are easy to stomach, crunchy and salty — that was the easy part. The body of the crab is where my stomach started to hurt — bits of plastic-like chitin from the crab were tough to chew through. Spicy mochi funnel cake doughnut from O-Mochi.
Think Russian-roulette but for mochi doughnuts. You won’t know if you’ll get a spicy or sweet one until you take a bite. I, unfortunately, drew the spicy straw.
The mochi doughnut itself was great, soft and chewy, but the spicy dressing on top made it nearly inedible. I imagine the sweet version would have hit the high marks on my scale. By the end of the soft-shell crab, my stomach felt heavy, my lips greasy and, honestly, I was close to hurling from crab overload.
The sriracha-slathered mochi doughnut didn’t help — I could only stomach a few bites of the spicy-sweet combo. After (begrudgingly) going on a midway ride, my stomach felt even more unsettled, but I managed to keep everything down. Jermaine Wilson takes a quick bite of the giant pink doughnut.
Normally, I tend to avoid being adventurous with my foods, but today, for the sake of the Star readers, I decided to take a plunge and embrace the wild side (R.I.P.
to my stomach). My usual go-to is a classic chicken sandwich, paired with fries and a bottle of apple juice. I’m not much for sweet treats, but I’ll indulge now and then, especially when peer pressure kicks in.
My motto for the day was, “Forget it, you only live once.” I spent $20 on the very-Instagrammable giant doughnut, $12.95 on deep-fried cheese curds and $9.
50 on some apple fries. The giant pink doughnut from Pancho’s Bakery. It’s massive — about the size of a medium Domino’s pizza box.
Even when I folded it in half to take a bite, it was huge. It was decent in taste, but at $20, it’s best shared among four people. I should have listened to my instincts and skipped it.
Deep fried cheese curds from Granny Smith. These reminded me of mozzarella sticks — chewy, but surprisingly enjoyable. Although a bit pricey for the portion size (it wasn’t much bigger than my hand) it’s a safe bet and a classic.
Apple fries from Granny Smith. I’m a simple guy — I like apples, I like fries and I love a good sprinkle of cinnamon sugar. The package is about the same size as the deep-fried cheese curds.
These were the best out of the items I got, no complaints. (They did put me a couple dollars over budget, though.) My stomach felt a bit uneasy on the ride — likely due to the deep-fried cheese curds — but I managed to hold it together.
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