We’re in the cocktail bar at Glasgow’s boutique hotel, a darkly decadent room of chandeliers, velvet furniture and gold-flecked wallpaper. The cocktail menu, which looks like an edition of Vogue, is glossy, slightly breathless and highly alcoholic. My wife opts for a Martini Espresso, but tempting as that is, I think caffeine at this time of the evening will spell a sleepless night.
No problem, says our friendly waiter, Callum, I think we can make you a decaff. He sets off to confirm, and quickly returns to tell us that the decaff beans arrived yesterday. Minutes later we’re served two dark, velvety and very lovely cocktails and are congratulated on being the hotel’s first ever decaff Martini Espresso customers.
I think they could catch on. House of Gods opened in the spring, billing itself as Glasgow’s first maximalist hotel. It has 28 rooms on four floors, and a glass-enclosed roof restaurant full of (plastic) flowers and statues – they call it The Sacred Garden.
Brothers Mike and Ross Baxter opened their first House of Gods, an award-winning 22-room property, in Edinburgh five years ago. They followed this spring with the Glasgow venue in a sandstone former warehouse that became a popular deli, then Chinese restaurant, in Glasgow’s Merchant City. The Merchant City – so called because of its links to shipping owners, textile and tobacco barons – is one of the city’s liveliest areas, with hip bars and restaurants, and independent shops.
It’s also a couple of minutes walk to Buchanan Street, Glasgow’s top-class shopping thoroughfare. So, maximalist? Obviously the opposite of minimalist (we’ve done plenty of those hotels too) – but what else does that mean? Following an £8m refit, the new hotel boasts oak panelled bedrooms, acres of tiger-stripe velvet, velvet door inserts and Italian marble bathrooms. The larger rooms also boast gold-plated rolltop baths.
The rather dark cocktail lounge has hand-painted de Gournay wallpaper with gold leaf, chandeliers and lots and lots of animal print on its furniture and fittings. Breakfast in The Sacred Garden – when Glasgow surprised us with such brilliant sunshine I had to fetch our sunglasses – included the usual suspects – full cooked, eggs benedict, avocados, but also steak and eggs, with the steak tasting even better early in the morning than it usually does. Evening meals included small plates, medium plates and sharing boards, all at reasonable prices.
Amid all the opulence, there’s a strong sense of fun too. Each room has a console with three buttons which summon either a butler, a bottle of Prosecco, or from 9pm to 1am “milk and cookies”. We didn’t need either a butler or more Prosecco (there was already a bottle waiting in our room) but can confirm the cookies were very fresh, and came with bowls of sweets and popcorn.
Meanwhile the top third of the full-length mirror in our room was also the TV, the “secret wardrobe” was hidden in the wood panelling, and a switch revealed red mood lighting running around the upper frame of our four-poster bed. Rooms come in four sizes: The Cabin, inspired by the cosy cabins of the Orient Express, with a handcrafted sleigh bed; the Versailles inspired Classic, with a four-poster; and the Suite, with a centre-piece four-poster, custom-designed sofa and rolltop bath. Finally there is the “rock n roll” Presidential Suite, a 400 square foot room which adds a cinema system with surround sound, entertaining area and “his and her shower”.
If any of that isn’t luxurious enough, you can add in the Treat Me Like I’m Famous package. That means you get chocolates, gold-coloured balloons and a scattering of golden rose petals in your room, along with a bottle of Prosecco. A very alcoholic cocktail – the Millionaire – is included and can be ordered for either your room or the bar, and you also start with a £40 tab in the bar.
The milk and cookies are also included. The package also includes breakfast, including Mimosas for those needing a little pick-me-up. Amid all this opulence, I had wondered if we would feel slightly out of place.
Would our fellow guests be too-cool fashionistas? Would the staff be too busy checking themselves in the many mirrors to notice us? Happily, the atmosphere was very relaxed, our fellow guests just normal people treating themselves to a slightly over-the-top night out. As for maximalist, the really max thing about the whole experience was the staff, who managed to combine easy, helpful friendliness with formidable efficiency. And the decaff was definitely decaff.
Merchant City was developed from the 1750s for wealthy merchant “tobacco lords.” It became the city’s first planned New Town, with wide, straight streets, vistas, churches and squares. It fell into decline in the 1960s before it was revitalised in the 80s into the stylish district it is today.
Factfile Rooms from £99: Treat Me Like I’m Famous package £99..
