We’ve all seen scenes from where couples in have to (looking @ you, ). And while, yes, dirty talk is great for those times you’re apart, it’s also an A+ way to heat things up IRL. The catch? Even though the concept might seem straightforward (I mean, hi, you’re literally just talking), the reality is that it can feel kiiiinda awkward to execute, especially if you're new to dirty talk.
That’s why we're here to teach you the ins and outs of how to talk dirty like you’re been fluent for a lifetime. First things first, though: You might be wondering dirty talk is so hyped. , a doctor of human sexuality, ’s chief sexologist, and the host of , says it’s basically a secret weapon for and with your partner (and yourself).
“Think of [dirty talk] as a direct line to your brain, the most powerful you've got,” she explains. “By speaking your desires and dishing out a few well-placed words, you turn up the anticipation and arousal, making everything feel that much hotter. Plus, it’s like handing your partner a cheat sheet to , leading to a more connected, satisfying experience for both of you.
” So! If you’re interested in learning how to spit smut like a GD pro, then this seven-day challenge is definitely for you. We won’t just train you in what to say either: This “challenge” is also about becoming more comfortable vocalizing your desires between the sheets and owning your sexuality, which will get both you and your lover turned right TF on. Over the course of this seven-day challenge, you’ll learn: This week-long exercise is designed to help boost your sexual confidence so that when it comes time to put your techniques into practice, you’re not left tongue-tied and unsure of what to say.
For instance, you might want to even start off practicing on someone other than your partner (more on that later, promise). “Getting started can be the most daunting part of this whole process,” says , sex expert at and author of . “You want to jump into the dirty-talk pool, but you also want to test the temperature with one toe first.
” With each 🔥 tantalizing task 🔥, the hope is that you become a little bit more prepared to take the plunge and whisper some not-so-sweet nothings into your lover’s ear. And by the way, this shouldn’t feel like homework—it should be fun! “Dirty talk is a skill,” sex and pleasure educator points out. “Give yourself a break from the pressure of trying to make it smooth or sound scripted.
Your partner might giggle or not know what to say in response, and that’s okay. You can let go of performing and treat dirty talk as a curious auditory exploration of what gets you both aroused.” To be clear, I’m not talking about tryna sweet-talk your besties into bed (unless you’re into that).
I’m talking about having an explicit, vulnerable, X-rated convo with totally platonic friends about their own sexual experiences because nothing beats a totally frank sex talk with your pals. Having this kind of conversation can offer validation (especially if you realize you’re not alone in feeling a lil awkward) and help you become more comfortable expressing your own sexuality—even when you’re actually in the midst of a sexual encounter. “Getting comfortable with dirty talk is a bit like getting more comfortable with anything else: You need to practice,” explains licensed independent clinical social worker owner and lead therapist at .
“For a lot of us, we don’t hear dirty talk often and we might feel self-conscious using it because it feels silly or takes us out of our comfort zone.” When you vibe about vulgarities in a (hopefully!) nonjudgmental environment, you can become more comfortable covering so-called taboo subjects and using words that probs aren’t part of your daily vernacular. (And don’t worry, we’ll get into vocabulary specifics in a sec.
) Summon up the courage and get the ball rolling while you’re hanging with friends (and ideally hanging at home rather than out at a restaurant or bar where other people might overhear, lol). You can do this by asking for advice, sharing your own experiences, and not being afraid to beat around the bush. Go ahead—get explicit! Get graphic! Saying something like “ ” or “ ” is sure to inspire some v interesting convos.
As Oriowo says, even “just saying sexual words until they don’t make you cringe” is progress. And while a few adult beverages can help ~lubricate~ things, it’s probably best to get this convo going while sober since liquid courage can never replace actual confidence. While you should avoid the temptation to memorize any scenes verbatim (remember: talking naughty shouldn’t feel like a performance—it should feel natural), can provide you with some useful inspo.
Reading and hearing salacious language in context will give you a better idea of how to use it, and you may even pick up some phrases you’d be comfortable saying IRL. “Sometimes you need some sexy ideas to get your creative mind in check,” Engle explains. “Being exposed to erotic materials can often be great for expanding our sexual dialogue.
, pls!) can be a great catalyst for ideas, but it is also sometimes a bit raunchy for beginners.” According to Engle, that’s why erotica is the way to go. “It’s jam-packed with sexy material you can take with you to bed,” she adds.
Explore what’s out there and see what turns you on! Several sites offer sexy erotic fiction and fantasy stories you can read for free, such as , , , or . is another great resource, offering sexy audio stories that’ll def get you feeling some kind of way (and it even has a ). “Take notes! Doing some research, as it were, can help you dig deep into what you could be saying without feeling the pressure to come up with the entire narrative from scratch,” Oriowo says.
“This is definitely a ‘work smarter, not harder’ moment!” You may even be inspired to write your own! “Erotica is a great way to build your erotic vocabulary,” Matatas says. “Read different kinds of erotica and get inspired by the descriptions of scenery, mood, dynamics, and sex. Try writing your own erotica by writing out one of your fantasies and inviting your partner to share one of theirs.
” Okay, this one maaay feel a little silly, but it can be majorly beneficial to use raunchy language out loud by yourself before trying it with a partner. Doing so can help you figure out what sort of erotic adjectives excite you, what titillating verbs turn you on, and what other salacious words and phrases make you feel good about your sexuality. “Practice saying some of the things aloud on your own,” Oriowo suggests.
“This can help to get you comfortable with the sound of your voice asking for something or making a sexual statement.” And what better way to get yourself in the mood for racy talk than by ? There’s no wrong way to masturbate, and if you have a tried-and-true technique, go with that and wait until you really get into a good rhythm. Then try describing your arousal out loud to yourself (after making sure your roommates or ’rents aren’t home, ofc).
You can start by simply describing what you’re doing ( ) and then move on to describing what you would want your partner to do if they were there with you ( ). This is also a good chance to find your Dirty Talk VoiceTM. “Dirty talk can be about ‘what’ you say, but there is a huge impact of ‘how’ you say things,” Matatas says.
“Play with volume (think whispers), explore tone (e.g., stern, adoring), and slow everything down—speak slowly and pause for emphasis.
” Again, it may feel strange, but naughty bedroom talk is all about releasing inhibitions, so for it. Before trying out a spicy dialogue IRL, it can be useful to exchange some virtual vulgarities. can pique your partner’s interest and let you practice using dirty talk without having to, you know, actually utter those risqué words out loud just yet.
“This way, you can gauge a partner’s reactions to your fantasies virtually rather than face-to-face,” Engle explains. can also help you figure out what kind of words your partner responds to so you can then implement them in the bedroom. “You don’t have to be a mind reader—ask questions about what they are into and encourage descriptiveness,” Matatas suggests.
“Get permission before sexting with something like, .” According to Engle, the easiest way to get started with sexting is by describing a scene..
.a scene, that is. “Remember that what you’re sexting about doesn’t need to reflect what you’re actually doing right now,” she says.
“ Your partner doesn’t know the difference.” If your partner seems receptive, then Engle suggests testing the waters with one of these openers for sexting: These Qs are guaranteed to get some juicy convos going, trust. If you’re not feeling particularly creative, then Oriowo suggests simply “ .
” And FYI, there are tons of out there that can help you keep those indecent texts under wraps if you’re nervous about someone intercepting your erotic exchange and posting it to the interwebs. Once you’ve given sexting a whirl, it’s time to take the naughty talk into the bedroom. But fear not—you don’t have to be reciting any sexual soliloquies just yet.
Instead, try interjecting sexy stand-alone words into sex (like ), which can help you dip your toe in if pulling together a full sentence feels too intimidating. “Even though most people enjoy it, the words, sounds, and even names used can quickly enhance or ruin the mood,” sexologist, educator, and intimacy consultant says. “I think a safe place to start is with sort of ‘narrating’ your pleasure.
” Wait until the moment feels right, then slip in a sexy action word (or even an affirmative sound, like a moan) and gauge your partner’s reaction. If they seem into it (you’ll be able to tell, trust), then keep it going! The more receptive they seem to your injections, the more confident and vocal you’ll likely find yourself becoming—and your partner may even join in as well. And if you’re looking to intensify one-word sexy talk, combine it with touch or eye contact.
“Dragging your hand along their thigh, squeezing their butt cheek, and gazing into their eyes can be ways of nonverbally communicating the feeling of your dirty talk,” Matatas says. Got the hang of one-word dirty talk? Now it’s time to start working toward full sentences. While you def don’t want to sound rehearsed or like you’re simply reciting lines, you’ll want to at least have a few ideas in mind so you don’t stumble over your words.
Most importantly, you’ll want to keep things simple, especially in the beginning. Otherwise, you might lose ’em with some complicated description about how you want to be strapped down and slathered in peanut butter (or w/e you’re into). You can get things going by simply describing your arousal to your partner or by telling them what you want or what you’d like to do to them.
“Dirty talk can be about illuminating a fantasy, but it can also take the form of narrating what’s happening or going to happen (e.g., ‘ ’) or a specific compliment (e.
g., ‘ ’) or be a vessel for dominance or submission (e.g.
, ‘ ’),” Matatas explains. And the best way to make sure you don’t lose your nerve or your train of thought when the time comes: Prepare a few ideas ahead of time. Oriowo suggests writing out a list of simple sentences starting with As she explains, “These simple sentences can help you to hone in on what you want, what you would like someone to do, and where you want them to do it.
” They’ll make you feel incredibly powerful and in control, and they’ll also save your partner from feeling obligated to come up with a verbal response, as they only require action in return. When coming up with demands, think carefully about word choice as well. “I encourage people to speak using sensual, descriptive language,” Howard says.
“That doesn’t necessarily mean loving, soft stuff. It could be anything from to Using words like etc. will go a long way to make regular sexy talk a little dirtier.
Words that you can FEEL between your legs...
that fill your mouth and land in your partner’s lap! Words like and have the energy you want.” If getting out of your head proves to be too tricky, you can always give a try. With role-play, you can take on the part of a character, which can help you feel more comfortable vocalizing your desires.
Tap into your inner actor and see what happens. You may just be able to release something you never knew was inside of you. “Role-playing lets you pivot into a character, which for some people might make it easier to embody their dirty talk,” Matatas explained.
But costumes and props aren’t required if that’s not your thing—and no, you don’t have to have Meryl Streep–level acting skills either. Before you and your partner kick things off, it’s best to have a convo to talk over what you’re willing to do and what you’re not, especially when it comes to the language you’re planning to use. “You need to be clear about your preferences on what genitals will be called, yea or nay on profanity, and being called names like ‘slut’ or ‘good boy/girl,’” Howard says.
“Use the sensual narration words with the names you’ve already agreed on. Getting those things clear will avoid drama later on.” Then come up with your scenario and jump into the scene.
“Keep it playful—even if your character is serious and domineering—start off slow and build into more intense dirty talk as you feel more confident and aroused,” Matatas adds. “Think about what your characters might say, how they would say it, how they want to feel. Use questions to prompt engagement from your partner, e.
g., ‘ ’” Behold: A Bunch of Dirty Talk Examples If you’re looking for a little more inspo, here are some of our fav dirty talk examples. Just a note, though: “Dirty talk can be as subtle as a well-timed moan or as direct as laying out exactly what you want and where you want it,” Morse says.
Start simple and build from there. Her golden rule? Keep it real, and keep it fun. “Dirty talk should feel authentic, not forced, making it work both for you and your partner,” she explains.
Feel free to copy any and all ideas below, whether you’re talking in person, on the phone, via sext, or to yourself in the mirror! To Build Anticipation: In the Moment: Recognitions: Oh, hey, congrats, you’re a pro now! We knew you could do it. is an Editor at , where she covers a variety of beats, including lifestyle, entertainment, relationships, shopping, and more. She can tell you everything you need to know about the love lives of A-listers, the coziest bedsheets, and the sex toys actually worth your $$$.
She is also the author of the 2018 novel . Follow her on for cute pics of her pup and bébé. is a full-time freelance writer covering everything from the best vibrators (the ) to the best TV shows ( ).
She has over 10 years of editorial experience with bylines at , Elite Daily, Betches, and more. She lives in Tampa, Florida, but did not feed her husband to tigers. When she's not testing out new sex toys (100+ and counting so far!), she's likely chilling with her dogs or eating buffalo chicken dip.
Ideally at the same time. Follow her on and ..
