I'VE ambled from the soothing bubbles of the Vitality pool and waded into the swimming pool for a leisurely couple of lengths. Or do they count as lengths when the pool is hexagonal? Either way, it feels like quite enough energy expended for now. I need to save something for my trip to the treatment rooms, where later I'll lie in blissful semi-slumber, as the knots in my poor too-much-time-at-a-computer shaped back are deftly eased away, just in time for me to dander off to dinner.
Growing up, my hopes for birthday gifts were always a 'thing', maybe a new Barbie or Polly Pocket, later progressing to a new Phone or fancy hair straighteners. Now — with two young kids and a fulltime job on the go — all I ever want for my birthday is the gift of time. Specifically 'me time', where I can be pampered, wined and dined (in peace) and spend a night sleeping (for more consecutive hours than are ever afforded to me at home) in the biggest, comfiest bed known to man.
Enter a birthday break at the gorgeous Culloden Estate and Spa. Nestled in the Holywood Hills, six miles from Belfast City Centre, The Culloden is the grande dame of Northern Ireland's hotel scene. Part of the elite Hastings collection, the building was formerly a bishop's palace, built in 1897, and in the 1990s, made history by becoming Northern Ireland's first ever five-star-hotel.
The location is stunning, overlooking Belfast Lough. But even though you're just a short drive from the city centre, from the second you pull into the manicured grounds, filled with impressive modern art sculptures , it feels like an oasis of calm, a million miles from the hustle and bustle of every-day life. There's an old school charm to the hotel, but its offering is constantly being updated.
Just this year, a €700,000 upgrade was completed, with new soft furnishings in the Lough Bar, extensive renovations on period features in the Drawing Room and new sumptuous carpeting throughout the ground floor among the work carried out. A new gym , equipment and classes have also been installed in The Spa, but mindful of my advancing years, I decided to keep my birthday experience old school, opting instead for healing warmth of the pool, Jacuzzis and sauna, with its picture window framing views of the Antrim coastline. The treatment rooms are down a softly lit corridor, where I felt cocooned as my back and shoulders were expertly kneaded, before being led into the calm of the relaxation room, where I unashamedly curled up under a soft blanket for a snooze.
Out of several options for dinner — fine dining at Vespers, which runs Wednesday to Saturday and Sunday Lunch, or the more casual, Cultra Inn and Lough Bar — we opted for the Cultra Inn and were delighted with our crispy chicken wings, burger mains and decadent warm sticky toffee pudding for afters, the food bill coming to a very reasonable €75. The Inn is a short walk away from the hotel, and so I decided to reward myself for the brief uphill journey home, by bagging a window-side seat in the Lough Bar and ordering a Jawbox Gin Bramble (Jawbox is produced about 20 miles away in Echlinville distillery), following it up with a glass of bubbly — birthday rules. The bar tab was picked up by Himself with more enthusiasm than usual, €18 for a top-tier cocktail in a five-star hotel is not to be sniffed at.
Sleep is a serious business for The Culloden, and all rooms are kitted out with their own 'cloud' bed (made bespoke for Hastings hotels with 1600 independent pocket springs, a deep pillow layer to give guests the feeling of 'floating on clouds'). Sinking into one, with its luxurious linen, was nothing short of bliss. Little touches give a nice sense of place, like the collectable Hastings Duck, a plastic bath toy every guest finds in their bathroom and can take home, ours had local sayings on it like 'catch yerself on' and 'wise the bap'.
The biggest decisions of the morning were dithering over whether or not to indulge in the 'traditional' porridge serve of adding a splash of Bushmills whiskey (I did, and highly recommend it) and what to order for the cooked aspect of the morning menu, before inevitably both opting for the traditional full Irish. Hastings Hotels has worked hard to put a strong emphasis on championing local produce — Waggle Dance Honey from Co Antrim, McCann's Apple Juice and White's Oats from Co Armagh, Co Down's Clandeboye Estate Yogurt and Co Tyrone mushrooms from Malachy McKenna's — in their Regional Food Heroes initiative. But, while enjoying our Co Down Lisdergan Pork Sausages and Grant's Dry Curd Bacon from Co Derry, we spotted another local hero, none other than Van Morrison, tucked in a corner enjoying his own breakfast.
The singer lives nearby and apparently pops in most mornings before his walk. Squeezing in a second trip to the spa and the delicious bubbles of the Jacuzzi before check-out time, it was Van Morrison's words at the end of Coney Island echoing round my head. "Wouldn't it be great if it was like this all the time?" At least I know where to suggest for next year's birthday.
DOUBLE room B&B prices usually start from €328. However, the hotel also runs seasonal offers, like the current Bolly Great Stay package, with a glass of Bollinger champagne served with a shared charcuterie board in the summer Bollinger Champagne Garden. Access to the spa and breakfast is included in the special overnight stay from €380 for two adults sharing.
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