So, we recently asked stay-at-home moms in the BuzzFeed Community to share how and why it's different than being a "tradwife." Here are their stories: 2. "Tradwife = 'perfect life'; while a SAHM is selfless, underpaid, and unappreciated.
" —Anonymous from California 4. "Being a SAHM isn't about putting on a persona like 'tradwives' for the perfect Instagram post. It is vulnerable and authentic to stay home keeping little humans alive and healthy all day.
I had a pretty decent career before having the opportunity to be a SAHM, and I can honestly say there is nothing more meaningful or breathtaking than being your kid's whole universe. It's not about the traditional roles of being a woman, it's about the magic of discovering the world with a person you made and nurturing them into a healthy and compassionate adult who will one day go out and choose their adventure." — maskedturtle79 6.
"I'm a SAHM because someone needs to take care of our son who is disabled and needs 24/7 care. I do it instead of my husband because I have medical training and am the most organized. I also still work outside the home a couple of days when the kids are at school or my husband can stay home with them.
My husband goes to work full-time, and when he comes home, he does the dishes and helps put the kids to bed. Ours is a partnership. If there are some days we have cereal for dinner or the laundry doesn't get folded, he just rolls with it.
Tradwives seem to be some sort of unattainable male idea of what a wife and mother should be that some women have bought into. Thankfully, my husband has none of those expectations. He knows that I am the leader of the household and wants to contribute to our family more than just financially.
Don't call me a tradwife, I'll come for you." —Heather from Colorado 8. "The biggest key difference is trying my best to be there for my family, one day at a time, as my authentic self, as opposed to holding someone else's life or some vague ideal as the bar to meet.
" —Michelle from Louisiana 10. "I'm in charge of the house and kids while he's at work. Once he's home, everything is 50/50.
We are an equal partnership. I don't work for him or submit to him. It just made more sense for me to be responsible for the kids.
We can do better financially if he works full-time rather than us both working part-time." —Abi from the United Kingdom 12. "I think the biggest difference is that the choice to be an SAHM was, for me, child-focused.
Quite simply, we were privileged enough that my husband's income supported us and I didn't think my children could get better care from anyone else. It was truly what felt like the best choice for the kids. My husband is not my child and I don't treat him as such.
My role is not to serve him. We are partners as parents and as household managers. I just handle more day-to-day tasks as the one who is home with the kids.
" —Carly from Utah 14. "With the prevalence of autism in children soaring, it's important moms like me not be overlooked. About half of my special needs mom friends work, but it is a huge struggle to balance healthcare and therapy for your child.
I chose to give up my career to be the single person providing all that to my special needs children. There are days I don't feel like a mom but a full-time caregiver. No matter how aesthetic tradwives try to make their lives for social media, it will never compare to the insanely difficult job special needs parents are doing every day.
I'm not making baked goods from scratch for views. I'm doing it to make something allergy-safe for my kids to eat." —Candice 16.
"When my husband is at work, he's working. When I'm home with the kid, I'm working. When my husband comes home, we're both working.
There's no hierarchy in who does what job. We both do what needs to be done." —Sara from Washington 18.
"As a SAHM I do a lot of the cleaning and cooking. I however love to cook and find it very grounding. As far as the cleaning goes, why wouldn't I do it if I'm home? The way we see it is when he's at work, I'm at work caring for our two kids and keeping the house from being a complete disaster.
When he is home everything is equally our problem. He immediately jumps into the childcare and cleaning duties." —Shelby from Minnesota 20.
"SAHM here. 99% of my day is spent taking care of my kids. My grown-ass husband is capable of taking care of himself.
" —KC from Florida 22. "SAHM for seven years now. I became an SAHM for two reasons: so I could figure out what I wanted career-wise while saving money since the salary at my old job would have completely gone to daycare.
I also really like being home with my kids and enjoying this time while they're still little. But unlike tradwives, I don't do all the cooking or cleaning because my husband LOVES to cook. He asked me if he could still be the one to make dinner when I became a SAHM.
We also want to demonstrate that both men and women clean and cook in the households and are both responsible for it. My husband grew up with the mentality of 'you shouldn't expect someone to do everything for you' and we both believe that teaching independence is an important skill to have." —Anonymous from New Hampshire 24.
"Unlike a tradwife who is making bread from scratch for the glory or to hold up a certain elegance, SAHMs are doing the messy stuff. Cleaning in their pajamas and cooking quick practical healthy meals for growing bodies, all while enjoying the mess and knowing that perfection is not something to aspire to be. Love and the feeling of home are what matter to SAHMs.
" —Anonymous from California What are your thoughts on the tradwife trend? Share your thoughts in the comments! Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity..
