When I was 12, I was brought into my primary school’s counsellor room to discuss an essay I had written about a recent school camp we’d gone on. I can’t remember the experience exactly, but I remember writing that I felt miserable the entire time. Either way, the school read it and arranged to have me visit this counsellor weekly.
There was never any mention of me having depression, and the words mental health were never brought up. We spent those sessions playing UNO and would talk about school and hobbies. But it was the first time in my life that other people noticed that maybe something was not ok.
Depression was always something I had growing up. One week I’d be this stellar student making folks laugh, and the next I’d spend all week rotting in bed, dissociating while watching anime. When I turned 22, I finally started to see a therapist, who, after a few sessions, suggested that I might have an anxiety disorder, which can often spiral into periods of depression.
In hindsight, it was probably obvious to anyone that I had some form of depression. But if people would broach the subject, my immediate reaction would be to laugh it off and try and reassure them that it wasn’t the case. I didn’t want other people to know anything was wrong because I thought it might change how people would talk to me, or worry them.
The irony here is that I already was. The stigma of discussing mental health and seeing a professional for help has died down in recent years. In one survey, it was found that Gen Z is the most generation, where 53% of adults aged 18-24 have had, or are having mental health therapy.
Despite this, young men are still struggling to get the help they need. According to a published by the , 15% of men aged 18-24 feel unsure about their health literacy and knowledge, and over a third feel stigmatised when accessing health education. An alarming 40% of young men find navigating health information confusing and overwhelming.
Many men avoid opening up about their mental health. There was a not too long ago that poked fun at how men would rather do anything else besides go to therapy. But it’s important men reach out for support earlier, and more of us need to talk to our mates about mental health.
If you have a friend who you’ve noticed has been feeling more melancholy or distant, here are some tips on how to reach out and have a conversation, as someone who’s been on the receiving end. If someone’s told you they’re not feeling okay or if they seemed a bit off during a recent catch-up, it’s always worth checking in. I know I said earlier that it’s instinct to dismiss questions like this, (the truth is, they make my skin crawl out of itself), but I always appreciated that there was an opening to talk about it if I needed to.
When going through a depressive slump, it’s easy to feel isolated and asking friends to hang out can make you feel like a politician asking for donations. If you have a friend who you’ve noticed is going through a bit of a slump, offer them low-stakes invitations like brunch, night outs, gaming sessions, anything really. Giving them an easy-out can help them not feel overwhelmed if they need to suddenly cancel, and a small invitation is a way you can remind them that you care about them and still want them around.
It wasn’t until I met someone in uni who would casually recommend a therapist and mention their own experiences with one that would normalise the idea for me. If I had doubts or was nervous, they would just relay their own experiences and tell me that sometimes in sessions they would talk about anything, the conversation didn’t have to be heavy. But listen to their problem first.
It can feel like a painful rejection to want to open up to someone, only to immediately get suggested to talk about it with a therapist instead. Hear them out and validate their emotions first. If you feel like your friend needs more professional help to navigate these feelings, or you don’t feel equipped to provide the right support for their situation, that’s the right time to suggest a professional.
The best thing you can do for someone who’s said they’re not doing okay is to just hear them out. If you can, try and show them you have heard what they have said. People don’t just want a sympathetic ear when you talk to them, they want an informed one.
Sharing your experiences and how you managed can be a way to help the other person cope and manage their own situation. If someone’s going through a break-up, hear out how they’re feeling and share how you might have felt the same. You can find more someone going through a hard time, and how to approach tough conversations to help your friend feel comfortable discussing their mental health on Movember’s site.
Because it’s never been more important to check in on those who matter to you – and to do it right. If men’s health is important to you, join and push for more government action around vital men’s health issues..
