A s I am growing older, I find that I am becoming more rigid in my opinions. I have started to believe that the experiences that I have gained over my long life give me the freedom to harbour preconceived notions. I am also more judgmental now.
These three factors combined have developed in me a false sense of superiority that I am always right. I have started interrupting people if they put forth a contradictory viewpoint. I am not an exception.
I find many persons, peer or older or even younger, suffering from the same malaise, unable to step back and reflect, and apologise if need be. Fortunately for me, my wife, daughters, and well-wishers make it a point to interrupt me in time. There are also incidents and earlier experiences that help me remain grounded.
I was in a departmental store a few years ago. A young woman approached us selling a newly launched hair product by a leading brand. It was much pricier than the most expensive item in the category available on the shelves.
She vouched for the superior quality, insisting that we try it once. She replied in the affirmative to my query if she had used it. Her reply was in contrast to my pre-conceived judgment that a mere salesperson would not have the means to buy the product.
I smirked and insensitively asked her how she could afford such an expensive shampoo. She remarked with a smile without taking offence that the company had given samples to the salespersons before they could start making a pitch in the stores. I beat a hasty retreat.
More recently, I was upset at the rudeness of a neighbour. I try not to react when angry or upset as words spoken in the heat of the moment have a way of returning to haunt. However, this time, I berated another gentleman, attributing behaviour of the rude person to the group that both are part of.
He was equally upset, and words were exchanged between us in public that in the first place, had no business to be uttered at all. In yet another incident, I interrupted a young lady while she tried to explain her views on a rather sensitive subject. She too told me that she is an individual in her own right, she has her own opinions, and it was not fair for me to equate her with group opinions.
We think that children would not remember harsh words or actions against them. I have raised my hand only twice in my life, that too when the persons at the receiving end were children. Both of them remember the incidents even almost four decades later.
I was extremely short-tempered in the initial few years of my professional life, and would often shout at subordinates. I know of colleagues who would even throw files or documents back at the officer. I am not sure if the throwers realised, but I understood that I could get a lot done with just an encouraging word.
My wife and daughters keep reminding me to pause and listen. My well-wishers also tell me time and again to be less impatient. I was a much better listener till I quit my professional pursuits.
I do not know if it is the impatience of time constraint or my old age. It is likely that both are interrelated and I am trying to do too much, too soon, in too short a time. But there can be no excuses.
Inability to listen to others, or to not be empathetic, is harmful to interpersonal relations. We cannot always be right. In fact, there is no right or wrong in a conversation.
These are only two perspectives. Harsh words, or even a harsh attitude, once spoken or displayed, may eventually heal, but would leave a scar. Life is too beautiful to be wasted on the trivial sentiment of “I am always right”.
In American broadcaster and journalist Germany Kent’s words, “Speak with caution. Even if someone forgives harsh words you have spoken, they may be too hurt to ever forget them. Don’t leave a legacy of pain and regret of things you never should have said.
” [email protected] Copy link Email Facebook Twitter Telegram LinkedIn WhatsApp Reddit.
