Living with bipolar disorder is like riding a roller coaster that you didn’t choose to get on, and one that never stops. It is a life marked by extreme highs and lows, periods of intense energy and productivity followed by phases of depression. For me, this condition has shaped my daily routine, my relationships, and my view of the world in profound ways.
I have bipolar disorder. Saying these words out loud, or even writing them down, has taken me years of struggle and self-reflection. But today, I choose to share my story, not only to unburden my own heart but also to shed light on a condition that affects millions of people worldwide, yet remains shrouded in misunderstanding and stigma.
It wasn’t until later in my life that I was finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It took four days of testing with a team of psychiatrists at three doctors’ offices after years of seeking help. The diagnosis was both a relief and a burden.
On one hand, I finally had a name for what I was experiencing; on the other, I had to come to terms with the fact that I had a chronic mental health condition that would require lifelong management. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders in part describes my condition as manic-depressive disorder, a mental health condition characterized by extreme mood swings that include emotional highs (mania or hypomania) and lows (depression). These swings can affect sleep, energy, activity, judgment, and behavior.
Unlike the normal ups and downs that everyone experiences, the mood swings of bipolar disorder can be so intense that they interfere with my daily life. If we lived in a world that had treated mental health like physical health for decades, my life would have been dramatically different. The evolving science and study of the wiring of our brains — with chemicals and neurotransmitters — have entwined my life.
I cannot be silent and allow others to suffer as I have. By sharing my story, I hope to break down some of the stigma surrounding mental disorders. I want to encourage others who are struggling or know someone who suffers, to seek help and to know that they are not alone.
Mental illness is not a sign of weakness; it is a medical condition that requires treatment and support, just like any other illness. As a newborn, I came home from the hospital without a mother who had been admitted to the state mental hospital in Huntington, West Virginia. Nora Gay Jamison Martin was hospitalized with a diagnosis of catatonic schizophrenia a medical diagnosis that no longer exists today.
I never met her. In the early 1950s immediately after admission, my mother received 18 electrical shock treatments and numerous insulin shock therapies which were the principal treatment therapies for her disorder. Today, she could be treated for her catatonia and for her schizophrenia with a wide variety of pharmaceutical drugs and therapy.
None of which existed in her day and marks the incredible progress we have made. We’ve come so far with mental health care. But there is still much work to be done in terms of mental health awareness and advocacy.
Too many people like me suffer in silence, afraid to seek help because of the fear of judgment, cost, or discrimination. We need to create a society where mental health is treated with the same importance as physical health, where people feel safe to speak openly about their struggles and seek the help they need without fear of stigma. Tragically, my son Daniel took his own life.
He had a severe anxiety disorder that he just could not manage with therapy, medications, or the unconditional love of his family and friends. We have so far to go still in this journey of mental health. Living with bipolar disorder means constantly navigating a world that isn’t always accommodating to mental disorders.
There are still many barriers and challenges, from accessing mental health care to dealing with societal stigma. But I’ve also seen progress and positive changes. More people are finally talking about mental health, and there’s a growing awareness and understanding of conditions like bipolar disorder.
This gives me hope for the future. My bipolar disorder has been one of the most challenging experiences of my life, but it has also been one of the most transformative. It has shaped me into the person I am today, and it has given me a deep appreciation for the beauty and fragility of life.
I am not defined by my disorder, but it is a part of me, and I have learned to embrace it as such. One of the most significant challenges has been finding the right medication. Bipolar disorder is a complex condition, what works for one person may not work for another.
But with the help of compassionate and knowledgeable psychiatrists, I finally found a combination that helps stabilize my moods without overwhelming me with side effects. Therapy has provided a safe space to explore my feelings, understand my triggers, and develop coping strategies. In addition to medication and therapy, lifestyle changes have played a vital role in managing my disorder.
Regular exercise, a healthy diet, keeping a daily routine, and a consistent sleep schedule have all contributed to my well-being. I cannot overstate the importance of having a strong support system. My family especially my wife Judy, my two daughters and close friends have been my anchors in the turbulent seas of living with this disorder.
Their understanding, patience, and unconditional love have been invaluable. Knowing that I am not alone has also been a source of great comfort and strength. Diligent self-care goes beyond just taking medication and going to therapy.
It’s about finding what makes me feel settled and incorporating those things into my daily life. For me, this includes activities like reading, walking, writing, spending time in nature, running, being of service to others, attending a 12-step group, and connecting with loved ones. It’s about finding a balance and making sure that I’m taking care of my mental, emotional, and physical well-being.
I’ve also discovered strengths I didn’t know I had. The creativity and energy that come with mania can be harnessed in positive ways. I’ve accomplished things during those times that I never thought possible, high on my list is writing these columns.
On the flip side, the deep introspection that comes with depression has given me a unique perspective on life. I’ve learned to appreciate the small moments of joy and to find beauty amid struggle. It has also taught me valuable lessons about empathy, and the importance of living in the moment.
To anyone reading this who may be struggling with bipolar disorder or any other mental health condition, I want you to know that there is hope. There is help available, and you are not alone. Reach out, seek support, and take one step at a time.
Healing is possible, and you deserve to live a life filled with purpose, and fulfillment; to be able to live happy, joyous, and free. I hope reading my story will inspire compassion, understanding, and a commitment to supporting mental health for all. Despite the struggles, I continue to find strength and hope, and I remain committed to advocating for mental health awareness and breaking down the stigma surrounding mental illness.
A day well lived in recovery is to commit myself every day, to laugh hard, cry hard, and do something for someone else..
