I think it’s something that happened naturally. Everything is art. I refused earlier because dance was my focus.
Had I taken up movies, no matter how much work I do in dance, the fraternity would always claim it’s because of my film background that I get opportunities. They would underestimate our work a lot. Now, it’s not like that.
I have a corpus of 30-40 works behind me. A few of my dance works have become films themselves, like Sarpatatvam and the recent Crossover and Ahalya. They were also screened on big screens at events such as the Mumbai International Film Festival.
So, entering films was a natural spillover. Vishnu Mohan, the director, always says he had to pursue me for one and a half years to get me to do this film and that he didn’t have to take that kind of effort even to make it (laughs out). Although I said no initially, the team and the way they interacted made me feel this is the right team.
It’s a very simple role to which I can relate to. I just wanted to see how it is. If I say that, it’ll seem arrogant (smiles).
Sathyan Anthikkad sir had approached me for Kochu Kochu Santhoshangal and Siddique-Lal for Kabuliwala. Recently, a big movie directed by a superstar..
. which turned out to be a blockbuster..
. was also offered to me. But then, my focus was only on my performance and creation.
It was a great experience. The team was great and I was more like a child observing how people behave, how things are. We get to be part of the team that includes make-up artists, hairdressers.
.. we get to listen to amazing stories of their experience and work.
Overall, it was a fabulous experience. No, it wasn’t. It was a different experience for me.
If we want, we can avoid many things. Even in dance performances, organisers can throw tantrums. So, if we want, we can avoid many things.
But it could also be because I am an established dancer. We cannot expect all ladies to be empowered and bold. But still, the moment you say ‘no’, it is a ‘no’.
Biju Menon was opposite me. He was very reserved and I don’t even know if he would remember that I acted with him. Next time I see him, I will probably have to remind him: ‘Hello, it’s me.
.. do you remember?’ (laughs out) We are basically from Palakkad.
Methil is actually five families. There is a literary lineage in our family. VKN is my uncle, then there is Methil Radhakrishnan.
Some historians have said that women used to do Srividya Aradhana rituals. There have been many who ventured into politics and were Communists. I have two older sisters.
.. Radhika Pillai, who is a writer, and Methil Renuka, the managing editor of Forbes Africa.
We got this literary streak and thought from there. They write with a pen and I write with my body (smiles). My grandfather was the assistant commissioner of the Hindu Religious Endowment Board and was from the Kodoth family in Kanhangad which had a kathakali kalari (training school).
It was from there that the paraphernalia for the art form used to go to Kalakshetra. He was also good friends with Annie Besant. Yet when Amma wanted to go to Kalakshetra, they asked her to get married.
So, maybe because of all that, she trained us. She says she distinctly saw the talent in me for dance as I walked and moved (smiles). After my MBA, I was placed in a Malayalam television channel as a programme producer.
It was then that I realised that this is not what I wanted to do. That’s how I reached Visva-Bharati University, founded by Rabindranath Tagore. There’s something about that place that really influenced me.
His rooms, his poetry, and just being in Kolkata alone, a culturally vibrant place, have deeply influenced me. It was Kerala percussion that drew me to mohiniyattam. They have a pace unlike other instruments.
I’m also experimenting with chenda, mizhavu, edakka, thimila, and madhalam. When I work on music, I create it in my head. Soundscapes are very important for my dance programmes.
Their awareness has increased. If your dance can’t appeal to the aesthetic sensibility of your viewer, then you are not going to be successful. But yes, the acceptability has increased in my case.
It’s a place where a lot of people gather and there needs to be consistency. Our basic civic sense comes into play in a public place because it is convenient for us all. In a similar way, there is a benefit in waking up early at Kalamandalam.
In my case, composing usually is done at 3am although I may not be practising it at that time. It is to avoid chaos that you bring in discipline. This art form requires certain rigidity and discipline and constant practice.
Waking up early has benefits on the person’s eyes and body, before the day’s rut gets into your system (laughs). Are you a dietician (laughs)? One can perform after having biriyani. It depends on a person’s body and nutritional requirements.
Some say they get good energy. In my case, I don’t eat before I get on stage. Soorya Festival is one such.
Khajuraho is also a wonderful experience. The Madras Music Academy is a good stage. But there are unknown stages too, closed spaces overseas where I want to go.
There is a Museum Theatre in Chennai, which is very beautiful. Ageism is a problem. I am talking about it as a block.
After the age of 50, if you don’t come under a perceived sense of beauty, then you will not be called. Even programmes at the government level think of how much money your face can bring. There is no consideration as an artist.
No work of mine has been profiled here. It’s the regular people who curate festivals. Two of my works were commissioned from outside, not from Kerala.
If my state gives a grant, I will be happy. The movie in which I performed didn’t have much of an acting requirement. So I’m unable to comment on that.
But I think more than the acting language, the dialogue could be an issue. Each character needs preparation time to be comfortable. Acting has a lot of possibilities.
I used to be in theatre earlier and that has helped. There was none and that’s the reason I accepted the role (laughs out). Only if that role surpasses the dancing I have done on stage (smiles).
Like Sankarabharanam...
I don’t know. It depends on the script. I have no such plan.
At the same time, I plan to make movies. I want to create. I have been creating dance films anyway.
Maybe, among a certain section of people. Not among the artistic fraternity. Yes.
That’s it. In the West, big names in one industry know about the big names in other industries. But here in Kerala, the big names mean people in cinema, politics, and sports.
There are survivors who have undergone real trauma. As a woman, I know of stories. If the motive is genuine, it has to be addressed.
Whatever is happening, I’m glad, because there’s a need for systemic change. If you are talking about MeToo, I can point out instances related to journalists too. Cinema is a sort of a religion in Kerala, and film stars are gods.
That has changed (smiles). It’s becoming increasingly difficult to differentiate between real and fake charges. Anyone can raise allegations against anyone these days.
If someone has committed an offence, action should be taken. If not, those who raise such allegations should face graver charges, be it male or female. One ought not to trivialise the whole purpose behind the report.
The seriousness of the Hema Committee report shouldn’t be lost. Yes..
. but that’s what’s happening now. He got anticipatory bail the other day.
In this particular allegation, I think I know the truth, and I’m glad that he got out. I’m not being judgemental. But the motive in this particular allegation is highly questionable.
Yes, I am. We don’t have to be enemies. Legally, there are still many procedures to be done.
But as a wife, I’ve completely stepped out of the relationship. That makes it easy to see a person for what he is..
. certain values you may not have seen as a wife. It’s difficult to make people understand this.
They want to categorise you as either married or divorced. I don’t know whether we have explored the possibilities that lie in-between, like cohabitation or something that favours co-existence. These are my experiences, and these are very rare.
My life as an artist is marked by these experiences. Definitely! Like I said, prolonged stardom has its own set of fallouts. What happens when certain practices get repeated with no checks in place? It’s time women are empowered more to talk about it.
I feel women, unfortunately, have always had a small part in feeding their valuable inputs into the system. That has definitely gone a long way in shaping the toxic male behaviour that women complain about. Over a period, such behaviour has been normalised.
When change is initiated, conflicts are bound to happen...
the subsequent churning is sure to impact one and all, both society and the individual. Most of the time, people don’t even realise that it’s wrong. There’s a thin line between a consensual relation and rape.
I’ve full confidence in the legal system. There’s another aspect too. You may have earlier consented to it, but later changed your mind.
Can that be taken as consent, even in a marriage? ‘Maybe’ puts the other person in a more powerful position. ‘Maybe’ is not saying he’s wrong. ‘Maybe’ means ‘I’m half okay with it’.
It’s like a clause...
it’s conditional. ‘Maybe’ is of course not a ‘no’. Yes.
It could come from vulnerability. A person doesn’t need to say it directly. It may seem implicit.
All this needs to be reworked and all such rut taken out. I hope so. I don’t know.
But at least it has triggered a kind of fear among everyone in the field. If such a report is generated in other sectors, such fear would be seen there too. Moviedom draws attention because film stars are idolised.
People tend to internalise what’s shown in movies. Their frames of references are mostly drawn from the big screen. That’s why it’s important to trigger positive changes in this sector.
A few projects have come my way, but I haven’t committed to any as of now. I wish to incorporate some of my thoughts and works into a movie..
. in what form, I don’t know. There are many things, like budget and other aspects.
It would be. Because I believe if someone can make a movie based on dance, it would be me (laughs). Sorry for sounding so arrogant, but then I do feel proud.
.. Rarely does one see someone being so confident.
.. (Smiles) Sometimes it helps.
Most of the time, hearing yourself voice it out loud and confident does help. Frankly, I haven’t gone through a lot in my life. My experiences are more or less similar to what most people undergo.
I think I know the art of dodging (laughs)...
although I couldn’t quite dodge your questions. I would have loved to. There are certain things that come naturally to us.
All these are part of a learning experience. It helps me understand that nothing is permanent. No situation is permanent, no person or emotion is permanent.
In the next interview, I may contradict all that I said now. If there’s even one news item that convinces me that I was wrong, I would change everything (laughs out). There are no regrets.
We shouldn’t regret anything. Why should you regret? I’ve started humouring life in that sense. I’m not judgemental any more.
Life now holds me fascinated. Each day brings in new surprises. I can see people evolving and changing.
As long as I have physical and mental health, that’s the biggest gift. As long as we have that, we should see the rest as changing visuals, as in a movie. Certainly.
As far as possible, if you know something is bad, don’t do it. That’s all. Don’t jump into it.
But sometimes it happens unknowingly. Everything is an experience. I would love to write a book.
It will be interspersed with anecdotes, flashes into my life, my personal space...
because, at the end of the day, my performance-work and my personal space are interconnected. Personally, I’m very happy with my life. Why do we give such importance to relationships? If relationships are going to be the be-all and end-all of life per se, when these end or break, you feel broken.
It’s actually your relationship with yourself that is the be-all and end-all of life. Everything and everyone else are merely your co-passengers. It’s a misconception that once a relationship goes awry or ends, life ends.
In fact, my life began, when I realised that I was not meant for such things (laughs). To create magic in space and time..
. I’m a wanderer, I want to move around (smiles)..
