DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife’s relationship with her promiscuous friend is threatening our marriage. I’ve never liked this friend, as she loves nothing more than long nights out drinking and partying – and tends to go home with a different man each time. She’s single so that’s fine – it’s her choice.
But we are married and have a toddler. The thought of drunk men leering over my wife, or that she may be put in an unsafe position because of her friend’s recklessness, worries me. I’m 34 and my wife is 31.
She and her friend have known each other since school. I have my own plumbing business and my wife now looks after our young son. Get in touch with the Dear Deidre team Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
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uk Whenever I challenge her about their friendship, she says she enjoys spending time with her because she’s lots of fun and reminds her of who she used to be. A couple of weeks ago it was my mum’s 60th birthday and my sisters and I organised a surprise party for her. My wife said she couldn’t go because she’d arranged a weekend away with this friend.
I wasn’t happy but as my wife had booked it and I’d forgotten the date, I reluctantly agreed to her going. True to form, her friend hooked up with a man on the first night and my wife was left to make her own way back to the hotel in the early hours. She told me they only went out late on one night but her friend’s social posts made it clear they went out every night and my wife looked like she was having a great time partying.
My wife has told me to calm down, but I feel let down and worry that she’s lying to me. I’m even considering divorce. MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE DEAR DEIDRE My husband is convinced I’m cheating and I’m even starting to question myself DEIDRE'S STORIES Victoria's vicious plan to sabotage her friend’s relationship DEIDRE SAYS: It’s time to sit your wife down and explain how dismissing your feelings is destroying your trust in her.
Talk to her about how worried you are, not only for her safety but also the future of your family. Your wife may well miss her old carefree life, and like many new mums may be wondering where her sense of self has gone. Her new life is focused on caring for your son and it sounds like she’s overlooking her own interests.
Would she like to get involved with any sport or music clubs? Does she miss work? Discuss some boundaries you both agree to. My support pack Standing Up For Yourself will help..
