Should this divorced mum encourage her son to “back down” when he’s with his difficult dad? Q. I am a divorced mum of two kids, aged 11 and 13. I share custody with their dad, who I know to have a difficult personality.
I have felt like my kids are too young to get into the specifics, but it seems that they are starting to pick up on some facets. My daughter, the youngest, seems to have picked up that being agreeable with her dad keeps her out of trouble or minimises punishment . However, my son is more likely to speak up in the face of inconsistencies and he gets punished heavily.
For example, my son is in a month-long punishment (which also means he can’t read his favourite books) because he had one bite left of a meal that he was unable to finish before a timer went off. Although I wasn’t there to see this, I believe it - I’ve seen him do things like that before. Both of my kids recognise their dad has a favourite, and my son is regularly telling me it obviously isn’t him and his punishments aren’t fair.
I am aware I can’t and shouldn’t confront their dad about how he is running his house. But I wonder what I can do, especially for my son, when he’s with me. How can I support him, and what advice should I give him? I hate to tell him not to tell the truth as he sees it, but maybe encouraging him to back down with his dad would help smooth his path with him for the next few years.
I just want to build him up so he doesn’t grow up believing he’s not a good kid. - Worried mum..
