MANILA, Philippines– “Our love is like the wind; you cannot see it, but you can feel it.” This poignant quote from Nicholas Sparks’ best-selling novel A Walk To Remember encapsulates the grief and comfort many widows experience after their partner’s death. It’s an emptiness that feels like a piece of your soul has been torn away, leaving a gaping wound that never truly heals.
But it’s a love so powerful that it transcends death and endures beyond the physical world. This is perhaps the purest form of love: to cherish someone without their presence and to hold onto love amidst sorrow. As long as you breathe, there is always a chance to heal and find love again.
You’ll never know when it will happen, but life has a way of surprising you, even when you thought your heart could never mend. In the face of overwhelming grief, the journey from heartache to healing can seem impossible. But three women – Queenie, Rosalina, and Mary Grace – prove that through resilience, faith, and strength, navigating the journey can be beautiful.
Brighter than sunshine Queenie’s story began in 2008 when she first met her late husband, Allan Andersen, in Manila. Allan, a Danish national working in the Philippines, was captivated by the warmth of the Philippines and Queenie herself. “According to him, it was love at first sight,” Queenie recalled, her eyes softening at the memory.
Their love story was one of shared dreams and simple joys, woven together by a mutual appreciation for life’s quiet moments. But tragedy struck when Allan passed away, leaving Queenie to navigate the storm of grief at just the age of 27. The loss felt like an abyss.
“I told myself I was ready to die,” she confided. “That day hit me with the reality that I am now alone with no future, and he is forever gone.” Queenie’s grief was deep, but her journey of healing was both courageous and transformative.
Over time, Queenie began to explore the possibility of new love. It wasn’t until January 2024 that she felt ready to embrace a new relationship. Meeting Louis Finister in 2015 during a visit to California was a fortunate twist of fate.
Though their initial encounter was brief, Louis made a lasting impression with a teddy bear — a token that would remain a symbol of their budding connection. QUEENIE AND HER HUSBAND, LOUIS. Courtesy of Queenie Finister When Queenie and Louis reconnected in 2022, their relationship blossomed slowly.
“It was so easy for me to transition and welcome the new relationship,” she said. With his understanding and supportive nature, Louis provided the space Queenie needed to heal. His reassurance – “Honey, if it is part of your healing, then do it” – exemplifies the compassion that marked their growing bond.
Their wedding in April 2024 was a celebration of love’s enduring power. “The noises in my head didn’t matter,” Queenie reflected. “My mind was at peace.
” The support from family and friends was overwhelming, and even her ex-in-laws offered their blessings. “My heart was filled with joy when everyone expressed their happiness for me,” she said. Queenie’s journey has reshaped her understanding of love and relationships.
“Love is as mysterious as life,” she muses. “You may have smoothly laid out your future, but a bigger force is in control.” Her experience has taught her that love transcends conventional norms, embracing both the past and the present.
“Grief taught me that there are things in the world that are beyond our control. You heal when you accept the things that cannot be changed.” Her path to healing involved embracing the present, nurturing her spirit, and allowing herself to be guided by faith.
Queenie offers heartfelt advice to other widows hesitant to seek love again. “Take your time, experience life, and discover the lesson this season of your life wants to teach you.” She underscores the importance of patience, self-discovery, and remaining open to the evolving healing journey.
In her new life with Louis, Queenie dreams of “more slow mornings by the beach and a life filled with love and laughter.” “Be patient and go with the flow where life will take you. Don’t worry about grief and the invisible stabbing pain you feel inside.
It will be there for a long time, but it will be your reminder that you are a special child of God.” Light in darkness Rosalina Pascual, a widow from Bulacan, experienced a journey of sorrow and healing, too. “My husband is seven years older than me.
So, medyo bata ako nag-asawa, mag -18 [years old] pa lang, sobra niya ako inalagaan, sobrang na spoil niya ako kahit magkaiba kami ng age,” Rosalina reminisced. ROSALINA WITH HER LATE HUSBAND AND THEIR CHILDREN. Courtesy of Rosalina Pascual They were married for 43 years and had built a beautiful life together, raising children and serving their church community.
He passed away on August 25, 2017, after a long battle with cancer. Losing him was the hardest thing Rosalina had ever faced. Adjusting to life without her husband was a struggle.
“ Siyempre yung pag ganito lagi ka nag-iisa, lalo na pag gusto mo ng kausap, karamay, malungkot nag iisa ka lang, hanggang picture na lang yung nakikita mo ,” she said. She coped with her grief by immersing herself in her business and church activities, keeping herself so occupied that she would fall asleep at night without dwelling on the harsh reality of her loss. Despite this, Rosalina found solace in her faith and the support of her children.
Two years after her husband’s passing, Rosalina met someone unexpectedly in 2019. “Hindi ko alam kung bakit napaka-interesado o sabihin na nating nung na meet yata ako sa St. Luke’s [hospital] , parang gusto na rin ako laging makita o makausap.
Siya ay widow rin , namatay din sa cancer ‘yung wife sa St. Luke’s din,” she recounted. “He offered to drive me to my meetings, accompanied me to events, and soon, we became each other’s companions.
” (I didn’t have an idea why he was so interested or why after we met at St. Luke’s, he wanted to always see me or talk to me. He’s also a widower, his wife died because of cancer too, and at St.
Luke’s as well.) ROSALINA AND NARS. Courtesy of Rosalina Pascual Their bond grew, but Rosalina needed to be more open about remarrying.
“Hindi pa ako handa sa pangalawang kasalan, sinabi ko sa kaniya na mag hanap na siya ng ibang makakasama sa buhay – napakatiyaga nung taong ‘yun sabi niya ayos lang daw na samahan niya ako.” (I’m not ready for a second marriage, I told him to look for someone else to spend his life with – that person was very patient and he said it’s okay for him to stay with me.) Her partner chose to stay, respecting her pace.
Healing from grief is a slow journey, requiring patience and time. Rosalina advises other widows to take each day as it comes – finding comfort in their faith, family, and friends. If they reencounter love, she urges them to welcome it without haste, ensuring it aligns well with their feelings and their family’s well-being.
As Rosalina looks to the future, her hopes are simple. “ Gusto kong mag retire at mag-enjoy sa aking pagiging senior, makasama ang pamilya ko, at patuloy na gawin ang misyon ko sa buhay, sa aking trabaho at sa church. Kahit mag-asawa man ako ulit o hindi, nagpapasalamat ako sa pagmamahal na naranasan ko at patuloy na bumabalot sa akin.
” (I want to retire and enjoy my senior years, be with my family, and continue to do my mission in life, in my work and in the church. Whether I get married again or not, I am grateful for the love that I have experienced and that continues to surround me.) Rosalina believes that everyone must be ready when considering remarrying.
She acknowledges the difficulty of entering a new marriage solely for companionship or without the approval of one’s children. Achieving balance is crucial in such situations. A love that endures Losing her husband to COVID-19 in April 2021, Mary Grace could barely cope with the life-altering event that left her reeling and unprepared emotionally and financially for the challenges ahead.
“ Parang sa akin, lahat kami nabigla. Ang alam mo ‘yung quarantine lahat, lockdown, ‘di kami prepared financially, ‘di kami prepared emotionally,” Mary Grace recalled. “ Sa una, iiyak lang ako, itutulog ko.
Pero nung namamalayan ko na affected na ‘yung mga anak ko, doon ko na-realize na di pwedeng tumigil ang mundo ko nung namatay ‘yung husband ko.” (It seems to me, we are all shocked. The quarantine, lockdown, we are not prepared financially, we are not prepared emotionally.
At first, I would just cry, then go to sleep. But when I realized that my children were affected, that’s when I realized that my world could not stop when my husband died.) Mary Grace found solace in her work and community involvement.
By immersing herself in various activities, she kept herself busy and gradually began to cope with the overwhelming loss. She noted that being a Home Owners Association (HOA) officer was beneficial because it provided her with people to talk to. Adjusting to life without her husband was challenging, particularly in managing daily tasks and financial responsibilities.
“ Parang ang dami ko palang kulang. Iba kasi din ‘yung alalay na nagpapaaral ka ng anak, ” she shared. (It’s like I’m not enough.
It’s different now because you’re also raising a child.) It wasn’t until she met a fellow community officer, a law graduate, that Mary Grace began to consider the possibility of being in a relationship. Initially, they were friends, with her newfound companion providing legal advice and support during community issues.
Over time, their friendship blossomed into something more meaningful. MARY GRACE AND HER PARTNER. Courtesy of Mary Grace Laude Mary Grace emphasizes the importance of seeking approval and blessing from both sides of the family when entering a new relationship.
“Siguro ‘yung partner na hahanapin nung widows, may basbas at pahintulot both sides of the family. Ayaw ko rin makasakit sa mga anak namin kaya ang mga anak niya parang naging barkada ko rin ,” she said. (The partner that the widows should look for, must have the blessing and permission from both sides of the family.
I also don’t want to hurt our children so his children have become my friends too.) Mary Grace’s children initially found it difficult to accept her new relationship, especially her daughter Celina, who struggled with the change. However, over time, they began to see the positive effect this new companionship had on their mother’s well-being.
Mary Grace’s friends and extended family also embraced her new partner. They saw the joy and companionship he brought into her life. They enjoyed time together, whether attending church, traveling, or socializing.
Their interactions, characterized by mutual respect and shared humor, enriched her life in a way that went beyond conventional expectations. For her, true love is about accepting someone for who they are, regardless of superficial traits. She acknowledges that while youthful ideals may emphasize physical attributes, the reality of finding love later in life is more about valuing the essence of a person and the companionship they offer.
Queenie, Rosalina, and Mary Grace’s inspiring stories showcase the strength and resilience within each of us. Their journeys of grief, healing, and pursuing new beginnings exemplify love’s enduring power. Through their trials, they found the courage to move forward and the grace to embrace new chapters in their lives.
The struggle to rebuild a life from the ashes of sorrow, and the delicate balancing act of integrating a new love into an existing family, is not easy. But with the unwavering support of loved ones, a strong faith in oneself, and the resiliency to move forward, it is possible to discover light even in the darkest times. The heart’s capacity to heal and rediscover joy is limitless.
– Kila Orozco/Rappler.com Kila Orozco is a Rappler intern. She’s studying behavioral science at the University of Santo Tomas.
The story was vetted by an editor..
