@MARIE_CLARE: My family has always struggled financially. But because I finished with Latin honors, passed the CPA board exam, and secured a position with a prestigious audit firm, I’ve had the chance to connect with influential people and meet my boyfriend through this network. His family is okay.
While generally neutral towards me, they don’t seem to have strong feelings one way or the other. This neutrality makes family gatherings somewhat uncomfortable for me. I often feel out of place, much like I do with my clients.
While I’m comfortable discussing work-related topics, social events can leave me feeling like I don’t quite belong. Any tips for me? DJ: So, you’re trying to keep up with the Joneses but can’t even keep up with the Kardashians! Yeah, right. Being down-to-earth is so last season.
Kidding aside, you’ve got to work on your confidence. What is confidence really about? It’s the belief in yourself and your ability to succeed or accomplish something. How do you activate it? Think about how you thrived in school and now at work.
The mindset needed is quite similar. I used to think that if I just achieved this much or earned that much, I’d be confident. But even as some dreams became reality, I still found reasons to feel like I hadn’t done enough.
Eventually, I realized I had to change my internal reality before my external reality could shift. That’s what I suggest you do too. By now, you know my response isn’t one of those “high five, you can do this and be who you want to be” kinds.
I don’t agree with “fake it till you make it.” It’s like saying the harder you climb, the harder you flex. That’s a false, perceived confidence.
A champagne life on a soda budget. You’re bound to trip over the truth. What’s sustainable is real, unshakable confidence.
And this doesn’t come from being born with a silver spoon. Look around your network. It’s easy to spot those with fat bank accounts who are still insecure.
One way to build your confidence inside out is by honoring your commitments to yourself. A sociologist at Utah State University published a study finding that confidence is tied to one’s inner perception of their ability to fulfill a particular job or role in society. So, think about your action steps.
They should include showing up when invited by your boyfriend’s family, especially for special occasions. No matter how you’re feeling. The fact that you’re uncomfortable means you’re stepping into something new.
Feelings of uncertainty and fear are normal. To paraphrase an overused quote, confidence is not the absence of fear but taking action anyway despite it. Elevate your confidence one awkward party at a time.
Research your boyfriend’s family or the VIPs you meet at social gatherings. There are plenty of tools at your disposal. Studying their LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram profiles can give you ideas to break the ice.
Identify shared interests. You can reach for the stars without maxing out your credit card. Just be genuinely curious about these folks, what they do, and what you can learn from them.
Trust me, a lot of them will love to do the talking. When you accomplish action steps like these, your confidence will grow. A lot of it is about creating momentum and staying authentic.
Pretty much like at work. You dress for the job, and you make sure your closet agrees. Over time, I also realized that real friends are often on the ground.
Your boyfriend loves you for a good reason. You must be beautiful inside and out. Go easy on yourself and allow time to adapt.
Risk-taking and awkwardness are part of every growth process. Even the most unshakable feel uneasy in certain aspects. We’re all works in progress, and no one has it all figured out.
But with the right mindset, you can scale the social ladder. I believe you can afford the view..
