@CHELSEA: I am terminally ill with late-stage breast cancer. Going through the usual cycle of healing and relapse for the past 10 years. My boyfriend and I are in a relationship.
To be fair with him, he has been present and has been there for me through all the difficulties I’ve been through. However, I can also honestly sense it’s taking a toll on him. He is too young to sacrifice his prime years taking care of a girlfriend who might eventually pass away.
I know I should set him free. I am just not sure if this is another pain I could survive. I want to pick your brain about my situation.
Please help me think things over. Thank you. DJ: This is one of those times when it would be nice to have a crystal ball to tell us what the future holds and where the relationship leads.
Unfortunately, AI has no such capability. We’re left to discern our choices, weighing the pros and cons of potential paths. Is your boyfriend someone who lives in the moment or is he more future-focused? Is he the type who plans for what life will be like five years from now, or does he focus on what’s meaningful to him right now? If he’s a planner, he might be considering how the situation will impact his other goals like family, career, and education.
But if he’s all about living in the now, he might be spending every day grateful to have you in his life. It’s normal to have these thoughts running through your head. You may be thinking it isn’t fair that your boyfriend is facing something he didn’t sign up for.
What man would knowingly sign up to be potentially a widower long before retirement age? He’s young and deserves the chance to live his best life without the burden of your illness. He has dreams and aspirations that may be hindered while caring for you. You’re truly an amazing person who truly loves him.
And loving someone means caring for them even when it’s hard, inconvenient, and painful. Sometimes, letting go is a form of care too. You want him to be happy.
Even if it hurts. But who told you that he wants to bounce? Love is about appreciating both the highs and lows and supporting each other no matter what. What if he’d rather spend a year with the right person than a lifetime with the wrong one? Yes, you have his time while you’re here but what will happen when you’re gone? He will be devastated.
But who says you are leaving? Cancer is a fight you can win. Don’t give up just yet. Yes, time is a precious and limited resource.
Once he gives it to you, he can never reclaim it. But a truly loving heart will give you his time. Some people want to be with someone for what they look like or the promise of the life they could live together.
But what if your boyfriend loves every bit of you, the good and the not-so-good, in sickness and in health? What if he loves you for who you are? Not everyone gets to experience that blessing in a lifetime. Even if we don’t know how long that is. Why not seize whatever time you have? I get that the dynamics can change and that your joint future will be very different from what you thought it would be.
Your condition will have a big impact on both of you individually and as a couple. Have you had a real talk about it? It may feel easier to keep quiet. But the best thing you can do for each other is to be as open and honest as possible.
Always remember that. You might feel that you need to be strong for your boyfriend, but bottling up your fears will only make them grow. Knowing what’s going on and understanding how you feel can make it easier for him to help and support you.
We don’t know what the future holds. But whatever happens, you have a real man right there, showing you a love other people could only dream of. Involve him in the decision-making process.
And when in doubt, keep being open with each other. You can also get support if you need it. Like your email today.
Okay?.
