Paying for a wedding is like paying for college: You can’t afford it, but somehow you do and forever after you are richer. This speaks nothing to the extravagance of the wedding or the prestige of the college. It only says everything about what is actually important.
If you spent a little more than you thought you ought, I doubt you will regret it. If you held a little back for something more enjoyable, I wish you luck in finding that better thing. To have a wedding you can afford might be a missed opportunity, not to show off, but to prove to yourself that some things in life are magical and end up paying for themselves.
This does not come from the accountant I am, but from the guy with his heart on his sleeve, the very residue from wiping tears of joy from his eyes and sniffle-dew from the end of his nose. Of course these notions are fanciful and based on loose reality at the sacrifice of practicality, but the father of the bride lives in a dream leading up to his daughter’s wedding day. He wonders, “If only I could share this great joy with our entire community, beyond just that limited number who actually attend the feast.
” And it is that fantasy that gives him the emotional courage to eventually make himself finally sit down late one night and write his toast to the bride and groom. And, when he did, it went something like this: Thank you! We are delighted you are here celebrating this wonderful occasion with us. You are here for one reason, and it's not the food and drinks.
It is because Zak and Lucy love you. And, so do we. And, I hope you take this being loved seriously.
I hope you will continue to be there for Zak and Lucy for the rest of your lives; to support them, to pick them up when they’re down, and to rise with them as they soar through all the joy in their lives together. I know they will do the same for you. I know now that it is one of a father’s greatest joys to send off a child into married life, and words alone cannot express this.
Don’t mind a grown man crying. I’ll use the tears to fill in the blanks to make clear everything I cannot say. The tradition in weddings suggests that the father gives his daughter away.
I have contemplated this idea since the day Lucy was born. Holding this beautiful, precious baby girl in my arms, I couldn’t imagine ever giving her away to anyone. So, since the day she was born, I have been searching for a loophole in this time honored tradition of giving your flesh and blood away.
Experts say you can’t be a friend to your kids. I wondered. I made being a good father the most important thing in my life, and a big part of that was trying to be a good husband to Susan, too.
Above all I am Lucy’s dad and I give her 100% of my fatherly love and attention. But, a funny thing happened in the process of being a good dad — Lucy, you became one of my very best friends. She likes to ski with me.
She calls me “Rog” and she, along with Max and Jane, call our shared adventures in the backcountry “Rogventures.” The notion that you can’t be friends with your kids is baloney. The experts also warn about working with family members.
I have been in business with my brothers and Susan for more than three decades. Lucy joined us several years ago after doing her time with the big firm in the big city. Our clients love her.
Her coworkers love her. She has made our family business better in innumerable ways. So, the notion that you can’t work successfully with family members is also false.
I really got to know Zak on a ski trip in Japan a couple of winters ago. It was our first family trip where we said the significant others were invited. You throw in a couple of long travel days, some jet lag, a foreign culture, difficult language, everyone crammed together in a condo with our ski junk and many would say that’s a terrible idea.
But it wasn’t. It turns out that Zak and I are both early risers. Now, not many would look at me sitting around the breakfast table in the predawn light and say, “How nice.
I think I’ll sit down.” But, Zak did sit down. He can read a room, even before the sun rises or he’s had a cup of coffee.
He’s perceptive and considerate. He’s also brave. We’d read the news.
We’d talk a little business. We shared stories of our lives. Mostly, we poured over trail maps to plan out our days of skiing deep powder.
We bonded. I got a new ski buddy. Zak has jokingly called me “dad” since the engagement.
Zak, feel free to call me that in earnest now. You are family. And, you are also a best friend.
So, with a few cultural axioms debunked, I will now crush the one I have feared the most. There is no sense of loss today. This is a huge gain all the way around.
Two families have come together. Two friend groups have merged. Our communal joy has been enhanced a hundred fold.
Nobody is giving anyone away! Lucy, you are stuck with me. Zak, you are too. I will be a loving and devoted father figure when you need that.
I will be your best friend when you want that. Whatever I can do to support your beautiful marriage, you can count on me. By the time the last round is served tonight, we will be thinking about sleep and getting back to our normal routines next week.
But, I don’t want anyone to think this celebration ends here. On behalf of this happy couple, I thank you for your continued participation in their lives together. Lucy and Zak, I love you more than you will ever know.
And, don’t worry — we’ve got you!.
