Manchester United have been dealt a crushing Marcus Rashford blow by an AI Supercomputer ahead of the start of the new Premier League season. OK Computer The Premier League season begins tomorrow night and that can mean one thing and one thing only. Supercomputers! Supercomputers as far as the eye can see! We’re going to desperately try to avoid getting too bogged down in the standard general Supercomputer nonsense of bookmakers (in fairness to them, very successfully) generating free publicity for themselves by pretending that predicting things like Premier League tables purely on the basis of betting odds-implied likelihood requires the input of a supercomputer rather than at the absolute most a calculator.
Because if we start down that road we’ll be here all week. But we cannot resist this one from the Mirror , because it’s both a baffling headline and a fresh new direction for Supercomputer-based guff. Premier League supercomputer predicts every team’s top goalscorer in blow for Man Utd Now this starts off in predictable fashion.
It comes from somewhere calling themselves ‘Coin Poker’ which is absolutely textbook Supercomputer areas. But what’s even more fun about this one is that it isn’t even just a Supercomputer, it’s an AI Supercomputer. And what that AI Supercomputer appears to have done is just have a bit of a guess at the identity of each club’s leading scorer and how many goals they might get.
Which is all fine. Well, not fine. But you know what we mean.
It’s bullsh*t, but it’s largely harmless bullsh*t and we would honestly rather see an AI have a guess and call that a Supercomputer prediction than just reading off a list of betting odds. It’s guff, sure, but it’s like guff that’s one step up from the other guff. The Mirror, though, have given it an interesting spin by describing the results as a ‘blow for Man Utd’.
Now the first issue here is the obvious one that the pre-season guesses from any kind of Supercomputer cannot be described as a blow to anyone because – so, so important this – they’re not real and can’t hurt you. But even within the realms of pretending Supercomputer guesses are real things, it’s a baffling take in this specific example given Coin Poker’s giant computing behemoth predicts Marcus Rashford to be United’s top scorer with 18 goals. Which seems.
.. pretty much fine? Coin Poker themselves even say: United fans will be hoping the Supercomputer has got it right with Rashford on target regularly Which just shows that while they deserve credit for creating guff, they still have an awful lot to learn from the Reach masters about how to push said guff in the faces and eyeballs of an unsuspecting and bewildered public.
Making a meal of it The return of the Premier League season also means the return of another Mediawatch staple. That’s right, things happening now are happening ‘just days’ before matches. And there’s not long to wait until things start happening just hours and just days after matches.
Just days to wait, in fact. The Daily Mail website have decided this morning – just a day before the Premier League season starts – that the biggest story in football is that a lot of Man City players went to a restaurant for a meal to celebrate Bernardo Silva’s birthday. And they did this despite it being ‘just days’ before the start of their Premier League title defence.
Man City stars and WAGs hit the town for Bernardo Silva’s birthday night out, days before their Premier League title defence begins...
but Kyle Walker goes solo – and which outcast turned up? Hit the town is both charmingly old-fashioned and hilariously OTT for ‘went to a restaurant for a meal’ and we all know why Kyle Walker gets a mention for going solo in the headline but, say, Josko Gvardiol doesn’t. And the ‘outcast’ was Joao Cancelo, by the way, a man who has been in pre-season training with Man City because until he is sold that is quite literally his job. He has no footballing future at City, sure, but it’s weirder surely to think that while he’s still around he would also be banished from attending a birthday meal for someone who is a team-mate at both club and country.
And that really is the entire extent of this story. That the meal took place on Wednesday and thus ‘just days before the start of the Premier League season.’ Not even a tabloid hint of trouble, no suggestion whatsoever that the meal was unsanctioned or that anybody failed to behave themselves.
It’s just literally a bunch of workmates out for a meal together four days before they have to do a thing. And it’s the biggest single story in world football. Perfect day Incredibly, this isn’t even the wildest editorial choice on what constitutes the most important story in the world of football one day before the start of a new Premier League season.
For the scamps at the Daily Star’s website, that accolade goes to this vital yarn. ‘World’s most beautiful footballer’ is called ‘perfect’ as she signs for new club This is a story from yesterday morning about ‘Croatian stunner Ana Maria Markovic’ joining Braga, and the person calling it ‘too perfect’ is..
. some Instagram random presumably typing that reply one handed. Really is inspiring and uplifting to see the women’s game getting such prominence in UK legacy media.
Fire exit In today’s edition of ‘words have meanings’ comes this headline on the Daily Express website’s live transfer blog. Transfer news LIVE: Tottenham exit confirmed, Chelsea slash asking price, Man City medical That ‘Tottenham exit confirmed’? Youngster Jamie Donley joining Leyton Orient on loan. We know, it’s a huge story and fully justifies a bit of light baitery.
But wait, what’s this? Tottenham youngster Jamie Donley is set to join Leyton Orient on loan for the season, according to football.london. He’s ‘set to,’ is he? And ‘according to football.
london,’ is it? Now we have no reason whatsoever to think their information is suspect or that it won’t happen, but come on. That’s just not what confirmed means, lads. Words have meanings and Mediawatch will continue to yell at this cloud.
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