In Australia, the dramatic repertoire you can draw on at funerals is very limited. Unlike other cultures, we don’t go hard on proper grief. There’s usually no grasping handfuls of dirt.
No rending of your garments. You can cry – even ugly cry – but no one really leans into the melodramatic potential of the occasion. And that’s before you get to the eulogy.
There’s a strong hint in the name – eulogy means “praise” – of what’s expected. The rules are to say nice things, even if you had a very complex relationship with the person. Jerry Stiller as Frank Costanza, who preferred Festivus - a festival of grievance - to Christmas.
At least, that was the case. Until now. This month, everything changed thanks to a man touched by the gods.
He goes by the name of Dan Thomas, and he’s a biographical filmmaker based in Melbourne who has had the idea of allowing people to record their own eulogies . Now, you can do your own version of the Pauline Hanson video (“Fellow Australians, if you are seeing this now, I am dead”). You can throw out the rule book about funerals and speak from beyond the grave.
For $1500, you can force everyone important in your life to sit on a pew while you lie serenely in your casket, clutching some roses and looking dignified and very mournable, and then you hit them with a 10-minute monologue on any topic of your choice. Loading For his part, Thomas is pitching this as a respectful way to connect the dead with the living, saying: “It’s humbling to help someone create a eulogy that captures the heart, soul and purpose of their life.” I love that he believes in the innate goodness of humanity.
That people will use it to make their funerals like all the funerals before them, all black-clad and weepy. But I believe many humans are delightful freaks with a thin veneer put on to make society function. And the ability to give your own eulogy rips it right off.
Off comes the Band-Aid, hairs and all. Off comes the mask you’ve worked at for decades. And there you are, the real you.
Your final, true form, given a voice. It is the most glorious madness I’ve seen in years. Just imagine what you could do with this power.
You’ll be gone. You’ve cut out the middleman, your eulogiser and praise-giver. There is no right of reply.
You’re showing people who you actually were..
