People are divided after a mum-of-three ditched her husband and children to travel alone during the summer school holidays. The 40-year-old travelled to the Czech Republic, where she spent a week catching up with her friends and enjoying evenings out. Ivana Poku from Fife, Scotland , who has eight-year-old twins and a toddler, did not feel guilty about going alone.
She was also able to use the time to catch up on some sleep and hoped to feel refreshed and recharged afterwards. Despite it being “difficult” to leave her family behind, Ivana says her seven solo nights in Prague have been “amazing”. In fact, she believes more parents should consider trips alone.
“It’s been amazing — it’s even better than a spa weekend,” Ivana revealed. “I’ve stayed with my friends for one week and it’s been very good to recharge. “My friends know how hard I’ve had it throughout the years, so they spoil me rotten and have been pampering me.
” Ivana originally went on the trip to attend a wedding, but decided to extend it to spend some much-needed solo time. She said: “We all got invited, but it was just too complicated in terms of the flights, pricing and having three children. “My husband and I came to the mutual decision that only I will go, and since I have lots of friends over there, I decided to make the most out of it and stay a bit longer.
“I was quite emotional when leaving, but kept reminding myself that it was good for me and for my family and it turns out I was right.” Ivana said her twin boys, Henry and Mason, and her two-year-old son, Yaw, were “emotional” ahead of her departure and it left her feeling guilty. But she forced herself to push through her own feelings and spend a week, 1,252 miles away from her kids.
Ivana, who is originally from Slovakia, says her husband, Yaw, 48, was very supportive of her choice, and felt it would help their sons feel more independent. And Ivana’s mother stayed at the family home to help out with her grandchildren. She said: “It wasn’t easy to leave, but I had to suck it up basically and just go.
After two days away, I really started to think, ‘Oh actually this is nice’. “I can see it in myself and how I feel now that it did help. It’s good for my kids, too.
I’m with them all year on my own basically — most of the time anyway. “We don’t have any other family around in Scotland, so it’s all me. Of course, as a mum, being away from them does get to you and you start feeling guilty.
“Mum guilt isn’t nice and it’s a normal feeling, but we can’t give in to that. If you don’t do anything for yourself as a parent then it doesn’t work for anyone and you aren’t at your best. “I find I can be shouty and grumpy and what good would that be to my kids? This is why I wanted to come back and feel refreshed.
“The biggest benefit has been that I have filled my cup and I can be a better mum because of that.” Ivana has spoken on the phone with her children every day. They have enjoyed spending quality time with their father, going to the park and playing football together.
She feels that more mothers should take breaks every so often so that they can be emotionally available for their children. Ivana said: “If I went away all the time then of course that wouldn’t be good, but if I go once a year or twice a year, I think it benefits everyone. “I’m surprised at how good the trip was, so I definitely want to do this more often, but not too often.
It’s all about balance. “I don’t want my kids to be too dependent, and I don’t want either of us to feel like we can’t exist without each other. “It also helps my husband to appreciate how hard things can be.
He helps out a lot, but it’s different when you spend a few hours with them as opposed to a whole week. “It’s also nice as this gives all of us a chance to miss each other. We’re always together, it’s something very refreshing.
“I could never find a reason as to why mums shouldn’t try this as it benefits everyone.” Ivana, who is a maternal mental health advocate, shares her journey online and has received backlash in the past for taking only one of her sons on holiday. She took him back home to her home country, Slovakia, to get a break from the daily madness and to have some help from her family.
Her twin boys had to go to school, so she was unable to take them with her. But she doesn’t let comments get to her, as she knows she is doing what feels is best for her and her family. Ivana said: “I could’ve stayed at home so that I wouldn’t feel guilty, but how would that help them and how would that help me? “So many parents are physically present, but they aren’t emotionally available, and I think that is much worse.
“As a mum, it’s important to realise that by putting our needs first sometimes, we are also putting them first as well. “I’m actually a maternal mental health advocate, and I support mums and mental health, so I like to share what I get up to online. “I have been judged by others in the past when I’ve been away with just one of my sons, but it’s not about other people.
“I always try to ask myself when I die, how do I want to feel? I want to feel like I’ve enjoyed my life and done my best, and I don’t want to feel like I have lived my life for someone else.” Ivana plans on going on more solo trips in the future, perhaps once or twice a year. Next time, she would like to go away just for the weekend, rather than an entire week.
And her husband Yaw is going away alone in August to visit his old friends in London. As well as being a maternal mental health advocate, Ivana is also an award-winning mentor and has a website dedicated to helping mothers and their families: https://mumsjourney.com.
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