Single at 29 , earlier this year Ryan Spencer took to TikTok, and in a brilliantly unfiltered rant, summed up how frustrating it can be to want love but be continually knocked down in your search. A short while after this post went swept social media, followers shared her hope that her fortunes had turned around when she began was set up with a friend of a friend – known as ‘Ohio Man’ – and they began dating . The couple were long distance , so talked for two months before meeting, then went on three dates – one of which was to a wedding where Ohio Man had asked her to be his plus-one.
It all sounded like it was going well but, in what seems like a familiar turn of events for many singles, things then went south as soon as Ryan tried to have a conversation about what was next in their relationship. ‘Anytime I’ve had to have a real conversation with a guy about feelings, it doesn’t go well,’ she said, close to tears in a recent video. ‘I realised I needed to be the one to make a move because he wasn’t going to.
’ I ended up sending him a really long text...
he called me this morning in response to that text and told me when he closes his eyes and looks at the future, he doesn’t see me as his person.’ Ryan said it ‘definitely hurt’ – especially since Ohio Man hit her with the ‘you’re amazing but I need to work on myself’ spiel she feels is often used as a ‘cop out’. And many of us who have been in the trenches dating will agree.
Rant over #fyp It can be unbelievably disheartening to feel like you’ve found your person, then in a matter of days or weeks, end up blindsided by your date’s change of heart. Going through the cycle of situationships that never materialise into anything more leaves you questioning yourself, assuming the worst of future prospects or just giving up on dating altogether. Sign up to The Hook-Up, Metro's sex and dating newsletter Love reading juicy stories like this? Need some tips for how to spice things up in the bedroom? Sign up to The Hook-Up and we'll slide into your inbox every week with all the latest sex and dating stories from Metro.
We can't wait for you to join us! For Ryan, this is the latest setback since her viral video (which racked up 600,000 views) dealt with the same bleak landscape for singles. Crying in her car, she asked when it was going to be ‘her turn’ to find a partner, adding: ‘I am so sick and tired of just everything right now.’ #fyp #grwm #dumped #single Ryan explained that she wants love in her life ‘so badly’ and that she’s ‘over’ not having it, especially because she’s done so much work on herself.
‘I have built a beautiful life for myself,’ she explained. ‘I’m successful, I’m independent, I’m healthier than I’ve ever been. I take such good care of myself – truly the only thing I’m missing in my life is someone to enjoy it with.
I’m so sick of waiting...
‘What more do I have to do to fix myself before I’m just allowed to be happy? Before I’m allowed to meet this soul mate person that God supposedly has for me? ‘I feel like I’m being punished for something I didn’t do.’ #stitch with @Ryan Spencer I hear her (kind of) Unsurprisingly, Ryan’s TikTok comments were filled with those who felt exactly the same way. One.
@ashleyshaw68, said: ‘Worst one for me is “oooh it will happen when you least expect it”.’ ‘MAN I feel this!,’ added @hayleygolson. ‘I’m tired of everyone saying, “Find what makes you happy! Go take a pottery class, volunteer, go for a hike.
..” No.
What will make me happy is to have someone to do life with.’ Others lamented loved ones telling them to ‘stop looking so hard’ or to focus on their own wellbeing and telling them, ‘all you need is self love’. Clearly, Ryan’ssentiments resonated.
Explaining her take on the video, Chanté Joseph said: ‘I think it makes people who are in relationships seem as if they are better than single people, because they have achieved something, due to them working on themselves. ‘It makes single people feel inadequate because they haven’t become self actualised or they’re not going to the gym six times a week. ‘All that stuff is a bunch of crap.
People need to understand this stuff is luck.’ She also makes the point that some of the ‘worst people’ she knows are in relationships, so comparing your situation to theirs as if they have it all isn’t doing you any favours. Feeling defeated by dating? Psychologist Emma Kenny says it’s perfectly normal to feel downcast by seemingly-endless let-downs .
She tells Metro.co.uk: ‘Society often places enormous pressure on us to couple up, as if being in a relationship is the pinnacle of success.
‘It’s incredibly frustrating. You’re doing all the right things, hitting the gym, pursuing your passions, practicing self-care, yet you’re still single. ‘It can feel like you’re in some twisted game where the relationship prize is just out of reach, no matter how hard you try.
’ More Trending I thought my date had ordered an Uber back to mine – then I got in the car I thought sex on the beach was hot until an encounter with two pensioners put me off As a single mum, sex is the ultimate escape from my responsibilities My husband refuses to stay at my dad's because of the sleeping arrangements But Emma says it’s important not to let this frustration overshadow everything else that is good in life, and to ‘focus on balance and contentment’ within yourself. ‘You deserve to be the best version of you,’ Emma adds. ‘Not because you’re waiting for a relationship as a reward.
Celebrate your journey, and know that you’re doing just fine.’ It may be something you’re tired of hearing, but it’s true. And while you’re well within your rights to tell your partnered-up pals to quit the clichés, if love is something you want, you have to trust the process.
Otherwise, your lack of confidence could lead you to settle; ‘the one’ becomes just anyone. I'm second-fiddle to everything my partner does – are we drifting apart? You don’t need to pivot into false positivity, and your relationship success does not hinge on how well-rounded or self-reliant you are. But good things come to those who wait, so try not to let the timewasters get you down.
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