DEAR DEIDRE: DRESSING up in sexy costumes and indulging in a little role play used to be my favourite way to get up close and personal with my previous partner – but my new boyfriend will have nothing to do with it. He says that we’re not kids going to fancy-dress parties and accuses me of being ridiculous. He’s really upset me.
If I’m honest, if we can’t have fun in the bedroom I’m not sure our relationship can last. I’m 32 and he’s 35. We’ve been together for eight months and until this I really thought we might have a future together.
It’s weird that he’s not budging on this because he isn’t unadventurous – we’ve tried different sex toys, had sex in lots of different places and positions, but this is strictly off-limits. A couple of weeks ago, I managed to persuade him to let me dress up in my favourite sexy secretary outfit and I asked him to remain in his work suit. Get in touch with the Dear Deidre team Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
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uk He seemed fine with that so I suggested we try my favourite nurse costume next. I wanted him to lie in bed and pretend he was ill – nothing too out there. But his reaction really confused me.
He said it was ridiculous, I was ridiculous and he wasn’t interested in make-believe. I have a whole drawer full of sexy latex outfits that have given me and my ex-boyfriend so much pleasure and I’d love nothing more than to dust them off again. MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE DEAR DEIDRE My husband is convinced I’m cheating and I’m even starting to question myself DEIDRE'S STORIES Victoria's vicious plan to sabotage her friend’s relationship DEIDRE SAYS: Role play and dressing up is a great way to spice up a relationship – especially a long-term one – but only if both partners are up for it.
While you love the drama, there are plenty of people who feel self-conscious and silly, even. Some even feel threatened by the character they are asked to take on – feeling insecure that they are not enough. You could try to reassure your partner.
But if he still doesn’t want to partake, perhaps try a slightly different role play where you talk through a fantasy scenario. This can be just as much of a turn-on as acting it out. And remember, it’s just as important to arouse your partner’s brain as their body.
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