A friend of mine has been asking to come and visit me for a few months. I’d love to see her, but I can’t have anyone stay with me right now. One of my twins is unwell and my mother-in-law is staying with us, helping me out with all the logistics.
My husband travels a lot for work, and I have another child who swims competitively. Plus I have my own career which is time-consuming. I’m feeling stretched and frayed and don’t have any bandwidth to deal with my friend who seemingly needs me.
I want to be there for her, but now is just not the best time for me. How do I explain all this to her without hurting her feelings? Also, what if she really needs me and I’m letting her down? I’m feeling guilty already. Have you ever paid attention to the guidelines on an airplane that, if in case the oxygen masks drop from the ceiling above, you’re to place one over your own mouth and nose and then place one over your child? That goes against many parents’ instinct, which would be to take care of their child first.
However, if you are compromised, inevitably your child won’t thrive. The point is we must take care of ourselves before we can take care of others. As you said yourself, you don’t have the bandwidth, i.
e. the energy, to care for your friend when you need taking care of yourself. Go for a walk (some fresh air and cardio for your own physical and mental health) and call your friend.
Have a good long talk with her and find out why she wants to visit so badly. Expl.
