With his brain running critically low on energy these days, my dear 76-year-old dad Tom is usually tired or restless to the extreme. After he showed us last December that festive gathering is something he can no longer do, none of our family will be with Tom this Christmas Day. But in late November we did get a special shared gift at the place he now lives - a care home in Dunedin for high-needs people living with dementia.
On an evening visit, for about an hour, my dad was able to relax and engage with four of us as much as he ever can these days, at a properly fun and spontaneous party. My mum Margo, sister Bonnie, 10-year-old niece Willa and I had made the three-hour car journey from Queenstown to the multi-storey retirement village where Tom lives for this visit. At the reception we find something new and funny to check out on the wall - a photo series of residents' one-on-one encounters with a visiting lamb.
Next to this is a good spot for our Where's Wally?- style scan of the white heads in the living/dining area for his specifically shaggy one. We eventually find Tom at the end of a hallway, standing outside the locked door of the staff room. He is foggy-faced at this late stage of the day and wearing a khaki polo shirt and brown trackies that read LEISURE from the inevitably communal menswear collection.
Tom very much likes to feel that he's in charge but when he's willing to be led - as he is this time - we usher him into the Family Room, a haven that is both lockabl.
