A self-proclaimed LGBTQ+ ally struggles after their 13-year-old recently came out as non-binary or gender fluid. Dear Meghan: My 13-year-old just came out to me as non-binary and/or gender fluid (they aren’t sure yet) and wants to change their name. I’m having a harder time with this than I expected, especially the name-change aspect.
My oldest child is queer , and I’ve considered myself an ally for years. But I’m not sure how best to support this particular kid when I don’t know whether they are really aware of the implications of their decision and whether they may change their mind in the future. I feel like I’m stuck somewhere between “I want to celebrate this wonderful human” and “Is this just a phase?” They have never expressed any questions about their gender or sexuality before this moment, and the announcement coincides with the new school year and a new school.
They also have a cousin who came out as trans last year and received a lot of family and public support, so of course that makes me wonder if there is at least a little bit of influence from that as well. I am divorced and their other parent is very enthusiastic about the whole thing, but I’m feeling hesitant and sad about them completely changing their identity and name. I don’t want to put any of my feelings on my kid and I want to support them, but I also want to make sure this is what they really want and who they really are.
- Hesitant.
