Anna Marie Tendler’s memoir has little to say about John Mulaney. When the textile artist, 39, announced “Men Have Called Her Crazy” last March, many speculated the book would reveal the grimiest details of her divorce from the popular comedian. In 2021, Mulaney dominated headlines when his relationship with Olivia Munn (whom he recently married), was announced just days after his separation from Tendler went public.
Fans picked sides, flocking to apps like TikTok to voice their support for Tendler in the aftermath of what appeared to be a painful breakup. Tendler’s tell-all has more to do with the other men in her life, from her occasionally challenging father to a string of ex-flings and boyfriends. Over the course of 300 pages, Tendler recalls difficult moments in her life — most of which have been punctuated by contentious relationships with men — through the lens of a psychiatric hospital stay in early 2021.
Tendler is fully aware of her reputation as a recurring figure in some of Mulaney’s most famous stand-up sets, but she’s hopeful that readers who find her memoir walk away with a more complete sense of the woman behind the punchlines. “I’ve been incredibly lucky in that most of the people who are drawn to my artwork, or this book, already like my work,” Tendler said in an interview with the Star. “I never feel like I need to qualify my reputation, or make it clear that there’s this other side of me.
I think the people who know me already kind of see that.” Anna Marie Tendler’s ex-husband, John Mulaney, recently married Olivia Munn. Tendler has spent her life as an artist in every sense of the word.
Growing up, she was a dancer. In her early 20s, she cut hair and did makeup. When she bought a house in Connecticut during the pandemic, she dabbled in interior design, decorating the rooms with a mélange of wallpapers and antique furnishings.
Many of Tendler’s Instagram followers know her for her intricate, hand-made lampshades, crafted with ornate fabrics and delicate beads. In 2020, Tendler started sharing intimate, visceral self-portraits to social media, images that showed her body in various states of crisis. Some photos revealed self-harm scars, both old and fresh; some demonstrated the sharp corners of her ribs, a consequence of the anorexia Tendler details in the book.
Others show Tendler snuggling with her beloved French bulldog, Petunia, who died in early 2023, while more recent ones show off Tendler’s growing collection of black-ink tattoos. “My tattoos have become a healthy, artistic and beautiful way for me to feel in control of my body,” Tendler said. “I spent so much time feeling out of control in my body.
No one was making me feel that way in a malicious, purposeful way, but I think that’s kind of what it means to be female. “Especially after I left the hospital, I felt like I needed to take myself back, to take my body back,” she continued. “I wanted to be able to look at my hands or my legs and see something that made me happy, and makes me feel beautiful.
” Tendler’s go-to tattoo artist in San Francisco is the sister-in-law of one of the exes she describes in her memoir — one with whom she’s remained friendly in the years since they parted ways. “Men Have Called Her Crazy” by Anna Marie Tendler, Simon & Schuster, $39.99.
“Men Have Called Her Crazy” is by no means a man-hating diatribe, though indeed, some of the situations Tendler describes — including lots of uneven power dynamics and cruel jokes at her expense — make it clear why Tendler elected to spend her hospital stay in a women-only dormitory. “I knew I wanted the book to focus on my relationship to men,” Tendler said. “So I ended up choosing the title, which is both serious and tongue in cheek.
People will tell me, ‘It’s not just men, it’s women too,’ and I’m like, ‘Yeah, I know it’s not just men.’ I don’t think just the men are problematic. “But I didn’t want it to be like, ‘F—k men.
’ I wanted it to be obvious that I was holding people accountable, but I was also holding myself accountable. And I really appreciate when people see the nuance of that and can read my actions with a critical eye.” “Men Have Called Her Crazy” flies by in short vignettes.
One moment, Tendler’s at the hospital potting Cuban oregano clippings. In another, she’s stringing together a beaded bracelet with a group of new friends in her dorm. Between hospital scenes, Tendler dives into her past, unpacking the experiences that ultimately paved the way to her psych ward stay (and eventual recovery).
Early on, we learn about the high school boys who ghosted her, and the 28-year-old boyfriend she had at 17. “No matter how weird I feel about (that relationship) now, (it was), at the time, consensual,” she writes. It’s sometimes hard to believe “Men Have Called Her Crazy” is Tendler’s first published book.
But she says the early stages of writing were a natural extension of her more hands-on artistic practices, like lampshade-making and photography. She said she wrote the first notes for her editor on an antique typewriter. “There was something about writing these casual pages on a typewriter that I loved,” she said.
“It was so tactile, and not everyone knows this, but it’s not easy writing on a typewriter. I really had to distill stories into what was absolutely necessary, which also allowed me to get in touch with humour. “There’s a lot in this book that feels really heavy,” she continued, “but it was important for me that parts of it were funny, too, even the heavy parts.
I arrived at the funny parts of the book on the typewriter, but then the bulk of writing happened in my head, which I then translated straight to my fingers and computer.” Now that “Men Have Called Her Crazy” is out in the world, there’s little Tendler can do to dictate readers’ experiences of it. But she hopes they feel seen by it — and that readers can see her through the pages in return.
“No part of me wrote this wanting to correct what people knew about me,” Tendler said. “That was never the intent. I wanted to write about these experiences with men .
.. and I knew other women were having these experiences too.
The point of the book was always to say, ‘Here’s a piece of art that I made. I hope you enjoy it.’”.
