My oldest son is getting married in about a week, and a frequent topic of discussion in my family has been whether I should keep the beard I’ve been growing since the day after Valentine’s Day. I say the day after Valentine’s Day because, while Bess says she doesn’t hate me having a beard, she doesn’t love it either. I’d been growing one since Christmas, and I shaved it off just for her on Valentine’s Day.
But then I let it grow out again and have kept it growing for half a year. My position was that I’d keep a beard as long as Bess could tolerate it, just like I tolerate Bess having short hair even though the woman I married 33 years ago had long, beautiful hair. (That woman was Bess, by the way.
Just to avoid confusion.) Dimon and Bess Kendrick-Holmes congratulate their youngest child Joe after his graduation from the University of Georgia in May. Anyway, with our son’s wedding day approaching, talk turned to whether I should keep the beard during the events of the weekend, including, of course, the photos.
People are also reading...
I knew what Bess’ vote, which carries the most weight, would be. While my beard has been a source of amusement for all four of our children, Bess encouraged me to ask the child who was actually getting married what he thought. Our son Robert is as agreeable and low-key a human being as you’ll find.
In fact, he’s incapable of saying anything negative about anybody or anything. As a child, Robert apparently hated green beans but you couldn’t get him to say it. At dinner, his mother would say, “Robert, why aren’t you eating your green beans?” And Robert would say, “Mom, the green bean I ate was delicious and you did a great job, but the green bean compartment of my stomach is full.
” Then he would explain that his stomach had different compartments, and some of them, like the ice cream compartment, were larger than others and there really wasn’t anything he could do about it. Once the green bean compartment filled up, it wasn’t wise to keep feeding it. Whether he liked or didn’t like green beans was beside the point.
Not surprisingly, Robert grew up to be an engineer. So on the counsel of his mother, I called Robert and asked if he wanted me to keep the beard. “It makes you look distinguished,” he said.
“Like a Civil War general.” That wasn’t exactly what I was shooting for, but whatever. “So, you’d be OK if I kept it?” I asked.
“Sure,” Robert said. “So, you don’t think I look like the Unabomber?” I asked. “No, I don’t,” Robert said.
After that conversation, I was still on the fence. Then Bess and I went to the grocery store together. That’s not something we normally do.
Bess is a much better cook, shopper and nutritional planner than I am, so we’re both content for her to handle the grocery shopping. Unless it involves one of my areas of expertise: picking just the right beer, rack of ribs or bag of party wings for the occasion. Or bottle of hot sauce.
For the shrimp boil we’re hosting for the rehearsal dinner, we’d decided to feature an assortment of hot sauces. The variety at any grocery chain is almost endless, so Bess brought me along on this particular trip to make these critical decisions. Anyway, at the checkout line at Harris Teeter, the young checkout lady scanned all our items and then checked out my thick white beard and asked this question: “Are we shopping for a senior today?” I thought that was a pretty smooth way to ask if I was a geezer.
She didn’t say “you”; she said “we,” as if we were all in this together. And she didn’t ask if I was a senior; she asked if I was shopping for a senior. As if I might be doing the shopping for an elderly person who was maybe in the nursing home or waiting outside in the car.
That’s not what she meant. “No, I’m not shopping for a senior,” I said curtly, and then threw in a chuckle to try to take the edge off. Harris Teeter offers senior discounts for anyone 60 years old and up, which means I fail to qualify by just four years.
Still, the damage to my ego was done. I went home and shaved off the beard. Bess was happy.
She says I look much younger. Dimon Kendrick-Holmes is North Carolina editor for Lee Enterprises. Email him at dimon.
[email protected] . Get local news delivered to your inbox!.
