Hell: The ultimate destination for those who’ve grown weary of package holidays to Kuta and fancy a change of scenery—preferably one with more torment and fewer hen’s parties. It seems the people of Singapore have cottoned on to this untapped market, transforming their Hell’s Museum (the main attraction at the Haw Par Villa park) into a veritable Disneyland of damnation. One can only imagine the marketing meeting: “Right, how do we make eternal torment more appealing to the masses? I know! Air conditioning!” And lo and behold, the punters are flocking in like sinners to a brothel.
Seven thousand visitors a month! It’s as if they’re handing out free indulgences with every ticket. One pictures sweaty tourists jostling for the best view of demons impaling the damned, muttering, “Well, at least it’s not as crowded as the queue for the London Eye.” Take Dante, for instance.
The man mapped out hell with the precision of a city planner, creating nine circles of torment that make London’s M25 look like a pleasure cruise. Not to be outdone, C.S.
Lewis decided hell needed a makeover. Out with the fire and brimstone, in with the endless drizzle and self-loathing. His hell is less “abandon all hope” and more “abandon all joy,” a place where the damned are free to leave at any time—if only they could be bothered to get off the sofa.
It’s the spiritual equivalent of a wet camping trip to the back of Bourke, where the entertainment is your own crushing de.
