We all want things. But some people feel they are entitled to whatever they want and feel they deserve it all right now. That can make for very difficult relationships, a lot of disappointment, and never receiving what is most important in life.
Material things are just that — stuff that you can have, wear or play with. But these things can never take the place of a warm and loving hug when you are feeling down in the dumps. Unfortunately, many people believe that if they get all the things that they want, they won’t feel bad anymore.
The truth is that no matter what it is that you get your hands on or are busy doing, the lift you may get from it will last only a little while. When you are dealing with someone with entitlement issues, it can make your life a living hell, because no matter what you do or say, they will never be happy. Nothing will ever be enough.
It’s as if there were a hole in their soul that just can’t be filled, and it will make for an unhappy life if the problem continues. Beware of friends with an agenda. What they want is not friendship but something you have access to.
It could be a vacation home in a popular ski area. I’m not kidding. A buddy of mine wondered why some people she knew only seemed to stay in touch during the winter months! I know a man who wanted to marry the woman he loved, but shortly after she accepted his proposals, she asked for a bigger diamond.
And she wouldn’t let up on it. After six months of this, he broke off the engagement, realizing that he would be taken to task in their marriage if his partner didn’t get everything she wanted—and he didn’t care to spend the rest of his life that way. If you are with someone who feels entitled, or if you have that issue yourself, you need to take a long, hard look at what’s going on.
Where does this feeling of entitlement come from? What makes any of us feel that we only deserve nice things at this stage in our life? Is it watching the Kardashians? Our personal histories or exposure to the media can let us forget that it is love—not things, toys, or travel to exotic lands—that keeps us together. Once this problem is identified, counseling may be necessary to let go of some pain and resolve any complications that have arisen. The truth is, if you or your partner is upset because you don’t own a Tesla, there are deeper issues at play, and you need to find out what they are.
Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D. is an award-winning psychotherapist and humanitarian.
He is also a columnist, the author of eight books, and a blogger for PsychologyToday.com with more than 34 million readers. He is available for video consults world-wide, reach him at Barton@B artonGoldsmith.
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