Some of these often well-meaning phrases can instead lead to distress, confusion and even anger. Get the latest top news stories sent straight to your inbox with our daily newsletter We have more newsletters Get the latest top news stories sent straight to your inbox with our daily newsletter We have more newsletters Caring for or communicating with people who have dementia or other forms of cognitive decline can be extremely challenging. To help with this, an Alzheimer’s expert has shared some key phrases that you should try your best to avoid, as they can spark unwanted emotions and can make communication difficult.
"Most people do not have regular interactions with those living with dementia, so it can be hard to know the do's and don'ts of what to say and how to behave," Dana Eble, outreach manager for the Alzheimer's Caregivers Network in Detroit, Michigan, told Fox News Digital. Another expert consulted by Fox News was Kate Granigan, a geriatric social worker and president of the Aging Life Care Association Board in Boston. A third was Michael Kramer, a long-term care educator and director of community relations for retirement residences.
Fox also consulted Jennifer Fink, a caregiver expert in California who facilitates support groups for the Alzheimer’s Association, Elizabeth Landsverk, M.D., a California-based geriatrician, Adria Thompson, a licensed speech-language pathologist in Massachusetts and Timothy Frie, a nutritional neuroscientist in Atlanta, Georgia.
Together, the experts provided a comprehensive list of 16 phrases to avoid saying when communicating with someone with dementia . A long series of instructions like this can be very challenging for someone with cognitive decline to follow, as they can often be confusing and hard to remember. "It is more successful to provide one short direction or piece of information at a time," says Eble.
Open-ended choices with a huge array of potential options can also be very overwhelming for someone with dementia . One alternative to this is to present them with, say, one red and one blue sweater and ask "which one of these would you like to wear?" However, Eble warns that even two options can be too many for some people. Phrasing activities as questions can also be confusing, says Eble.
Instead, she suggests stating what is going to happen, for example "let's go to the bathroom" or "let's go to the kitchen." "Adding that bit of direction will help maintain their schedule," she adds. Dementia can cause altered perceptions of events in the past.
But correcting someone sharply is not the solution. Instead, it's better to validate their experiences and gently guide them rather than insisting on correctness , the expert recommended. Kate Granigan told Fox News Digital that reminding someone with dementia of the death of a loved one can be upsetting.
"This can trigger a grief response over and over again, as if the information is newly learned," she said. Instead, she recommends saying something along the lines of: "It seems like you are really thinking about Uncle Harold today. Do you have a favorite memory from when you were kids?" Eble acknowledged that as cognitive decline increases there might be a need to use products to help with toilet issues or mealtimes, however its best to avoid using the words above.
Instead, she suggests using less infantilizing terms like "cloth", "protective underwear" or "apron"". Caring for someone with Alzheimer's can be hard and very frustrating at times but Kramer warns against using the phrase above. The phrase is "hurtful and dismissive," he said.
"It overlooks the fact that behavioral challenges are a result of the dementia itself, not intentional actions," he added. "Using empathy and understanding instead of frustration is crucial in managing these situations." The experts said not to ask people if they recollect specific events.
"Instead, start by introducing yourself," Eble suggested — "something like, ‘Hey, Grandma, it's Dana, your granddaughter!’ It might feel strange at first, but it will put your loved one at ease by reminding them of your name and connection to them." Another way to approach this is to say "I remember when..
." and then continue with your story. This is another potentially hurtful phrase that can damage the self esteem of people with dementia.
"Having patience and making an effort to understand their perspective helps to maintain their dignity and encourages open communication," said Kramer. This might seem like a very kind and innocuous thing to ask, but it can unfortunately do more harm than good as someone with dementia might not remember how they were feeling even a few minutes ago. Pointing out that someone is repeating themselves can lead to feelings of frustration and self-consciousness.
It's better to either respond as if its brand-new information, or to redirect the conversation away from the topic. "Society often has a preconceived notion of what dementia looks and acts like, and if someone doesn't fit that stereotype, it might seem tempting to use this phrase as a compliment," Thompson said. "However, this phrase can belittle the individual's daily struggle and experiences.
" "As dementia patients lose their sense of time, they lose a frame of reference that would make this question meaningful to them," said Rosenstiel. To prevent confusion and frustration, she recommends getting someone else to remember or write down the plans. It is best to avoid arguing or reasoning with someone with dementia, as it will likely anger and agitate them, the experts agreed.
"Keep the peace," said Landsverk. "It’s better than being right." "Often, well-meaning individuals might prematurely take over tasks without asking or assessing if they need to, which can diminish the person's sense of autonomy," said Thompson.
Instead, she recommends offering help and waiting for them to tell you if they need it - making sure they still get to do the tasks they can for as long as possible. One of the most important things you should never say to someone with dementia is "don't you remember?" "This question can be frustrating or embarrassing for someone with dementia, as memory loss is a central symptom of their condition," said Frie. "It can make them feel inadequate or upset about their cognitive decline.
" In the UK, the Alzheimer's Society have a huge range of advice and support on offer to people caring for others with dementia. You can visit their website here . Join the Daily Record's WhatsApp community here and get the latest news sent straight to your messages.
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