Help! My Sitcom Past Is Ruining My Political Future , Throughout the ’90s and early ’00s, I played a sitcom character whose main personality trait was that he was a dunce. Handsome, sure—but a dunce. Every episode had him engaging in some buffoonery or another—the lower his IQ seemed to go, the higher the ratings.
He was the type to believe in Sasquatches but think Komodo dragons were made up. In one early episode, he spent 24 hours trapped in a sofa. He was mystified by cotton candy.
At one point, I even had to get ophthalmological surgery because my character spent so much time cross-eyed while tussling with a kitchen utensil or a moving walkway. I wish I’d never played him. My true dream is political.
I’ve run for mayor in my city three times now, but no one takes me seriously. The first time, people thought it was a prank, maybe even marketing for a sitcom reboot. On the campaign trail, folks joke that they should “babyproof” their venues and ask me deliberately simple questions about population densities.
Remy, I graduated magna cum laude from high school before studying Genetics at Duke. I know pi to the 40th decimal place (it’s 1, and no, I didn’t Google that). And yet, all anyone sees is the guy who once “broke a tooth” because he thought macaroni was a breakfast cereal.
Is there any way I can shake off this mantle? It’s like being haunted by a very stupid ghost. Done and Dumber I’m a Costume Designer With a Weighty Dilemma Dear Remy, I sim.
