DEAR JANE: My brother's terminal cancer is ruining my relationship with my mom and dad By Jane Green For Dailymail.Com Published: 12:18 BST, 28 July 2024 | Updated: 12:18 BST, 28 July 2024 e-mail View comments Dear Jane, My brother is dying from cancer and has been sick for the last five years. He was diagnosed when he was 13 and our family basically broke apart because of it.
Then, two years ago, doctors told us he probably wasn’t going to make it another five years – and we all fell apart again. I love my brother, I love being a big sister, and I literally feel like a part of me has been dying every day since he found out about the cancer. But for the entire time that he’s been sick, I’ve basically felt like I’ve been forgotten by my family.
I know that my brother’s illness is a lot for everyone to deal with and I get that my parents want to give everything they can to helping him fight it, but I just wish that didn’t mean that everything in my life went unnoticed. Be the first to comment Be one of the first to comment Comments Do YOU have a question for Jane? Ask it here: Dear Jane..
. They’ve forgotten birthdays, said nothing when I’ve been promoted, or moved in with my boyfriend. Everything is about my brother’s cancer and his treatment, and making sure that he’s happy and comfortable.
Which I get! I feel like the world’s biggest b** for even saying this because I want more than anything for my brother to be OK. But it kind of feels like his illness has taken over my life and left me in this weird nowhere land where nothing I do matters and no problem I have is big enough to deserve some recognition. I hope that my brother beats every prediction and goes on to live for years – even decades – longer.
But I’m worried that for the rest of his life, I’m going to keep on feeling like I’m not worth any attention or love. I probably sound like the worst person on the planet, but I’d love to know what you would do if you were me. International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on DailyMail.
com readers' most burning issues in her Dear Jane agony aunt column From, Silent Sufferer Dear Silent Sufferer, I am so sorry. For what your family is going through, for your brother’s tragic diagnosis and for the way you have been left feeling abandoned. There isn’t an easy answer here.
I think it is entirely natural for everyone’s energy to go into taking care of your brother, and I understand that despite your love for your brother, it is also extraordinarily hard for you. I wonder if you are able to put yourself in your brother’s shoes for a minute. Imagine it is you with a terminal diagnosis.
Imagine the fear and pain at the knowledge that in all likelihood you will not get to live this big, beautiful life. You won’t experience watching your children grow up, nor the joys of grandchildren. Imagine the relief you would feel at knowing how lucky you are to be surrounded by a family that is there for you, that loves you enough to carry you through however much longer you have on this earth.
Silent sufferer, I feel your pain. I do. And, I urge you to look elsewhere for the validation and love that you need right now.
There is only so much capacity any of us have, and your family is not able to give you what you need at the moment. Lean on your friends, know that your family loves you deeply, but a terminal diagnosis is not something you can, or should, compete with. These are exceptional circumstances, and not for a second should you believe that it means you are not worthy of attention and love.
I urge you to look at talking to a mental health professional, a therapist, a coach, to work on your own issues of worthiness, and form a core of self-worth that isn’t dependent on attention from your family. Share or comment on this article: DEAR JANE: My brother's terminal cancer is ruining my relationship with my mom and dad e-mail Add comment.
