The man told Coleen: "My ex could be a nasty drunk, she’s to blame too." Get the latest top news stories sent straight to your inbox with our daily newsletter We have more newsletters Get the latest top news stories sent straight to your inbox with our daily newsletter We have more newsletters My ex-fiancee and I share two beautiful daughters and we’ve managed to be amicable since our separation nine months ago. However, she’s recently learned that I slipped up just before we separated.
The last year of our relationship was fraught with problems. We’d suffered a miscarriage, had a trial separation , come to terms with our eldest daughter’s autism and then my father figure died. We got pregnant again by accident but, by that time, I knew our relationship was over and I was in a terrible place.
A colleague at the time came on very strongly and I made the mistake of sleeping with her when my partner was pregnant with our second child. Worse still, I carried on seeing her after the separation. I don’t know why I thought she was good for me – I see now she was a narcissist who played mind games to get what she wanted.
Anyway, I ended that relationship, but she emailed my ex and told her everything. My ex confronted me. I cried.
I apologised and I explained I was ashamed. But my ex won’t take accountability for her part in our separation. She could be a nasty drunk and even tried to hit me once.
She won’t accept it took both of us to break our relationship. I want us to eventually be friends because she’s still one of the best friends I’ve ever had. And our daughters ’ stability is still our priority.
Do you think she’ll ever be able to move on from this? I think with time you could build a better relationship but for now I’d focus on your girls and working out how to be good co-parents. Emphasise to her that whatever she feels right now, you have to try to put your issues aside and be as amicable as you can be. Acknowledge that by having this affair you realise you’ve lost her respect and her friendship, which you hope to earn back, but don’t expect any invites for dinner or cosy nights at the pub just yet.
It sounds like you both experienced a lot of stress in the last year of your relationship, which perhaps led you to make the choices you did but, I guess her attitude is, “But I didn’t have an affair”. Telling your ex about the affair was a horrible thing to do and this other woman has shown her true colours. She did it for revenge, to get back at you for ending the affair.
Both of you need to block her, so she has no more influence in your lives. You can’t force your ex to acknowledge her part in the break-up, but who cares? It’s done, it’s over and there’s no point in going over it – you have to look forward. People do tend to focus on who had the affair, but at least you’re owning what you did.
If you can both put your kids first, that’s a good foundation from which to rebuild your friendship. Get the latest news sent straight to your messages by joining our WhatsApp community today. You'll receive daily updates on breaking news as well as the top headlines across Scotland.
No one will be able to see who is signed up and no one can send messages except the Daily Record team. All you have to do is click here if you're on mobile , select 'Join Community' and you're in! If you're on a desktop, simply scan the QR code above with your phone and click 'Join Community'. We also treat our community members to special offers, promotions, and adverts from us and our partners.
If you don’t like our community, you can check out any time you like. To leave our community click on the name at the top of your screen and choose 'exit group'. If you’re curious, you can read our Privacy Notice.
Don't miss the latest news from around Scotland and beyond - Sign up to our daily newsletter here..
