This piece contains mention of suicide. It may seem far-fetched to say I didn’t know that I was alcohol dependent until I tried to stop drinking. While I was aware I was drinking every night, I certainly didn’t think my consumption was enough to be considered alcohol dependent .
As far as I was concerned, I probably ought to have a break from wine. So that’s exactly what I decided to do, by taking an impromptu period of abstinence. Shortly afterward, on the London tube en route to a meeting, I couldn’t help but notice how under the weather I felt.
It was an extremely hot day in July 2016. And even hotter underground. With the sweat dripping off me, anyone would have thought I had run a marathon.
As I stood up, I noticed my body wasn’t doing what I was telling it to do. This was the first sign something was seriously wrong. It was as if there was a disconnect between my brain, body and my ability to move.
I somehow made it off the train and onto the escalator up to street level. All I remember thinking at this moment was “I need air.” By now, my hands were shaking uncontrollably and I was unsteady on my feet.
Being a fit and healthy 29-year old with no previous health problems, it was extremely concerning. In a total panic, I found sanctuary in a coffee shop opposite the tube station. “Can I have some water please?” I asked the barista.
He got me a large jug of water. I tried pouring it into the cup, but the water went everywhere due to my shaky hands. Trying.
