'Those insecurities are his, and his responsibility to resolve — not your circus, not your monkeys.' Photo posed Q: I’m dating my new boyfriend for a few months now, and we seem to be getting closer all the time. I’m happy with how everything is going, except for one thing.
He kept asking me how many people I had slept with before meeting him, and he asked me this a lot. I wasn’t too keen to tell him as it’s a high number, but I did and his immediate reaction was to look disgusted and to make a comment about ‘being busy’. He’s been a bit quiet with me since.
I feel kind of annoyed as it’s not really his business and I thought he would act like this. I know he has less experience than me but I didn’t think it would be an issue. I can’t seem to stop picturing his face when I told him — it was like he was disappointed and couldn’t look at me.
I’m not sure what to do next, and he doesn’t seem to want to talk about it. I am more outgoing than him but I thought we could meet in the middle and build a solid relationship together. What do I do if he doesn’t get over this? I do really like him.
Dr West replies: You are right in that it is none of his business. The amount of people you sleep with, your ‘body count’ as Gen Z has dubbed it, does not change anything about your value, worth, or who you are as a person. Nor does the amount of people you don’t sleep with say anything about you — everyone is free to have as much or as little sex as they.
