Dear Eric: In reading the letter from Abandoned Grandmother, I resonated with the grandchildren [who don’t call or text]. I was lucky to have a wonderful relationship with my grandmother in the last few years of her life, but it wasn’t a relationship that came easily. I was stuck in a waiting room for hours one day and decided to finally call my grandmother back, a task I avoided not because I didn’t love her, but because I didn’t feel like I had much to say.
I started telling her about the food bank where I volunteered and that gave us something to talk about regularly. For children, grandchildren, or friends wanting to reach out more, I would recommend finding a topic you can talk about every call in case there are no exciting life updates since the last conversation. Eventually, I got into the routine of calling, and we both looked forward to our monthly calls.
When she passed away two years ago, it softened the loss knowing how fortunate I was to have had the time, and I was so thankful that she knew I cared. —Thankful Granddaughter Dear Granddaughter: What a beautiful story. I’m so glad you went the extra mile to strengthen this relationship.
Dear Eric: Regarding Mom Not Mediator, whose adult children complained about each other to her: This has just started happening with my own four children as they reach young adulthood. It reminds me of my own experience with my two siblings. My parents said nothing.
Fast-forward; we are all in our 50s, and no one is close. I am determined to not let this history repeat itself. Whenever one of our children is critical of the other, I stop them and say some version of this: “There is no one more aware of our children’s faults than your dad and me.
We love you all equally. There is nothing you could say or tell us about another sibling that would change this. Your dad and I will be gone someday, and all you will have is your siblings.
Please try to love and respect each other regardless of your differences.” It shuts it down and lets them know there will be no favorites. It has actually been working; our last visit with all four kids was quite pleasant.
—Mom of Four Dear Mom: Good on you for breaking the cycle and giving your kids a healthy reset. (Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.
com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110.
Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.) ©2024 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
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