: About three years ago, my work friend “T” and I quickly became close. Related Articles T professed her (platonic) love effusively. I, a non-trusting person who usually keeps people at arm’s length, believed I had found a new “bestie.
” But, once in a while and completely unexpectedly, T goes into a “mean girl” mode. She’ll make undermining comments about my appearance, snap at me about seemingly trivial things, and act annoyed and pissed off throughout our encounter. In group situations, the irritation seems laser-focused on my behavior and no one else’s.
We have already had one blow-up after which I ended the friendship. A year later, we reconciled when she reached out. But on a recent weekend trip together, her “mean girl” persona reared its ugly head.
When I told her how it made me feel, she made excuses, saying that it was because I don’t listen to her adequately. These episodes are also a painful reminder of my sister, who has a personality disorder and exhibits similar behavior toward me. I eventually had to distance myself from her for my own well-being.
It’s difficult to form close friendships in middle age, and I don’t want to give up on my friendship with T, but I can’t continue feeling like her emotional punching bag. Any ideas how to handle this situation without losing the good part of our relationship? At some point, prior to meeting you, T learned that if she wasn’t getting the attention she wants, she should be aggressively mea.
