Getting closure after a breakup is one of the toughest things to deal with when a relationship ends. Some of the questions you might be left with are, Why ? Why did they suddenly lose feelings? Why don’t they want to try to work things out? It can feel like you need answers in order to get closure—so you can move on and be okay again. In the midst of so much pain, confusion and sadness, it’s natural to crave clarification and validation from the person responsible for your broken heart, says Terri Orbuch, PhD, a sociology professor at Oakland University and the author of Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship .
“As human beings, we want answers to all of our questions in situations that don’t make sense. So, we often assume that closure is necessary to resolve that curiosity and obsession once and for all.” However, it really isn’t; you don’t actually need one last conversation or a detailed explanation to heal, and relying on someone else for that resolution is unhelpful for a few reasons.
First, there usually isn’t a “right” or “perfect” answer to a question as complicated as, “Why did the relationship end?” Perhaps, like you, your ex isn’t sure when, why or how everything went wrong, Dr. Orbuch says, or what specifically caused them to fall out of love. Remember, breakups are rarely straightforward, so the satisfying response you think you “need” to leave the past behind may not even exist.
But let’s say you.