When you fancy someone new, there is a clear set of next steps. First, you check if they’re single. Then you Google them to rule out any public scandals and/or criminal convictions.
Finally, it’s time to look them up on Instagram. It’s here where you’ll make the harshest judgements about who this person is and whether or not they’re right for you. You’ll find profound meaning in every last detail, from the people who frequently feature in their tagged photos and how many models they follow to which filters they favour and whether or not they post Reels.
Lately, though, the best thing you can find is nothing at all. That’s right, I’m talking about people who don’t use Instagram – and why they’re objectively hotter than those of us who do. It’s a theory I’ve held for a while now, one that has only increased alongside my own social media presence, which I’m fully aware is entirely hypocritical.
But bear with me. As someone who relies on Instagram for work, I have a strange relationship with it. One part of me enjoys sharing the highlights of my life and career, as well as posting the occasional bikini photo for a quick burst of validation.
Every heart and comment comes with the fizz of excitement and possibility: people like you. They’re interested in you. Some of them might even want to f*** you.
The other part of me feels disgusted by the vanity of it all. It’s gross to be so consumed by how you’re being perceived; even if what you’re sharin.