Three Kiwi women share their stories of estrangement from fathers , after emotional abuse and neglect. ‘He bought me nothing but stress and anxiety’ Mel, 30, engagement co-ordinator “I didn’t have much of a relationship with my dad when I was growing up. He and my mother separated when I was 3 and my sister was 2.
We lived in the UK, and he moved to New Zealand alone when I was 5. He would call every few months. He came back to visit when I was 9 with his Kiwi fiancee.
They married the following year. And then they came back to visit again when I was 14. Before that visit, I asked if I could try coming and living in NZ with them, and I followed them out here after their trip.
Things were great, at first. He was very excited to have me here. But then I think the reality hit that he suddenly had a hormonal, very homesick teenager in his house that he had no idea what to do with.
We started to argue a lot from when I was about 16 onwards. “When I was 18, my stepmum discovered he’d been cheating on her, and kicked him out. I tried to maintain a relationship with both, but he moved two hours away to live with his new woman (although he maintained to me that he never cheated and they were just friends.
.. they’re married now) and the effort to catch up was very one-sided on my part.
I had to go see him; he wouldn’t come to see me..