Dear Carol: My parents are in their 90s and live in their condo near me. Both have the expected memory problems, but neither has been diagnosed with dementia. They get through life mostly because they fill in the blanks for each other.
I take them to appointments, manage their medication, and help them with their finances. Unfortunately, I get snappish when they don’t do what I think is best. I feel awful about my responses, but I work full-time, too, so I’m always tired.
Mostly, I regret there’s no time to be their daughter instead of their cranky boss. How can I break this cycle? - PD Dear PD: Acting cranky when we intend to be loving and missing one's role as a daughter or son are common concerns, so don’t blame yourself for not being perfect. You’re human.
For you, combining a support group with caregiver education and perhaps some form of hired help could make an enormous difference. Here are my thoughts: Family: You didn’t mention siblings, so we’ll begin with the obvious. Sometimes, the default caregiver doesn’t ask for help so other family members go on with their lives assuming all is well.
If you have siblings, asking them to assist in specific ways could lighten your load. Support: You might try the Caregivers Action Network, known as CAN ( https://www.caregiveraction.
org ). Through CAN, you could connect with a caregiver support group and also take advantage of their abundant resources. Other free caregiving groups include an excellent AARP caregiv.