This Week in the War on Women

France’s most notorious rape trial has ended in 51 guilty verdicts. Dominique Pelicot was sentenced to 20 years for an ufathomable crime: he routinely drugged his wife Gisele, and recruited other men to come to their home and rape her while she was unconscious, with Dominique filming. Over the course of 10 years, Gisele Pelicot was violated by at least 80 men, while Dominique let her believe her dizziness and confusion were from dementia rather than drugging. 50 of the men were identified and convicted. Most got shorter sentences than the prosecution requested, typically 8 to 10 years — and a few even got suspended sentences.The Guardian gave a detailed description of each offender. They ranged in age from 22 to 70, most with conventional jobs and lives. Many were married with children. Some reported having been sexually abused as children, or other trauma. One after another, they denied being rapists, or denied “intending” to rape, insisting that they hadn’t known that the unconscious woman wasn’t consenting. Many said they had assumed her husband was being truthful in his claims that she was a willing participant — the husband that most of them met on a website called “Without Her Knowledge.”It’s tempting to pretend that none of us know men like this. (Here’s one article that mostly reads like the author wants to be reassured that the perps were Totally Different.) But these men live among us, they’re in our schools and workplaces.Somehow we need to be able to talk about what patriarchy does, the things it teaches men — because these are things men need to unlearn. But when women try to do this, as with #MeToo, we usually get shouted down with cries of #NotAllMen.We need men to teach their sons, nephews & mentees that only an enthusiastic yes means yes. This doesn’t start with sex; if a woman doesn’t want to kiss, or flirt, or give you her phone number, that’s not an invitation to apply pressure. We need to teach boys from an early age about how men like Andrew Tate manipulate them emotionally — and they seem far more receptive when it’s male teachers and authority figures talking to them. We need men to stand up when they see other men harass, and stop making excuses for harassers and abusers.And yes, women need to learn these things too. I had to stop reading the Guardian article when it mentioned that one of the offenders had a partner who said it was “out of character” for him and she hoped to reconcile after he got out of prison.When my country — including a majority of white women — votes an adjudicated rapist into the highest office in the land, and more offenders are offered seating the Cabinet or the Supreme Court, it’s hard to know where to start. But somehow, we must start.Please post “War o Women” links in the comments.