I’ve cut out baby voices and we’ve banned cuddling on the sofa, because apparently cuddling ‘neutralises the erotic spark’ My partner Mark rarely wants to have sex with me. We’ve been together for three years and in the early days sex was amazing – constant and totally uninhibited. But in the past year and a half Mark has lost interest.
Every time I bring this up – admittedly aggressively, and often in tears – he shouts and becomes upset. Usually we reach a point where I threaten to walk away if things don’t change, but I don’t want to. I love him and it’s not that I miss sex in some abstract, impersonal way.
I miss sex with him. When we manage to talk sensibly about what’s going on, Mark has offered some insights. He says he finds our closeness cosy and nourishing, but that it’s not erotic for him.
I’ve cut out the baby voices (which I am often guilty of) and we’ve banned cuddling on the sofa, because cuddling “neutralises the erotic spark” apparently. I’ve also stopped initiating sex to take the pressure off him. I have a history of depression and anxiety, and Mark is amazingly supportive, but has also told me that it’s not very erotic to be put in a carer role, so I now confide in him less.
For a while, this all seemed to be working, and we had sex a few times. But it has dried up again recently. The other day we were in bed together, kissing in a way I thought was building up to sex.
Then he got up out of bed and walked into the bathr.