At a lovely supper with friends the other evening, we got talking about whether or not you can change other people. Most of us there were in our seventies and tended to the belief that you can’t. We went on to discuss serious bad habits and how they impact on partners, friends and family.
And one of the people there, a recovering alcoholic who has been sober for well over 40 years, said that giving up booze is something that individuals have to instigate and see through themselves, and that no amount of cajoling from others really makes much difference. He also said that when adults are addicted to something, most of them need to reach rock bottom, or almost, before they will seek the support that could effect change. This is really hard on partners and families, isn’t it? As some of you may know, living with someone with this kind of problem can be a nightmare.
There are lies to cope with, as well as half-truths, endless criticism and blame, and sometimes even abuse. However, I think by the time you get to our sort of age, you’re forced to realise that you have no control over the situation except for one big choice, which is this: should you stay, or should you go? I think you also recognise that if you choose to stay it’s wisest for your own sanity if you also accept that things may never change. Tough call, isn’t it? When we’re younger, we’ve rarely learned life’s lessons sufficiently to understand that we can’t change others, and we waste a lot of time .