Welcome to Row Z, a new weekly column on The Athletic . We can probably all agree that football takes itself very seriously, right? Well, here at Row Z, we plan to shine a light on the bonkers side of the game. From clubs to managers, players to organisations, every Friday we’ll bring you the absurdities, the greed, the contradictions, the preposterousness and the oddities of the game we all love.
.. Talking of absurd, greedy, contradictory, preposterous oddities, where else can Row Z start but with Chelsea Football Club? It’s been quite the week for the Blues, who ditched a homegrown hero (that’s Conor Gallagher), signed a former failed loanee (Joao Felix), ostracised last season’s third-top scorer ( Raheem Sterling ) and have hundreds of millions of pounds worth of signings ( Kepa Arrizabalaga , Romelu Lukaku , Ben Chilwell etc) training away from the first team.
Advertisement “It’s not a mess like it looks from the outside,” head coach Enzo Maresca said with a straight face as work began on installing a third dressing room to house all their players (probably). You can put together a pretty decent XI from Chelsea ’s ‘ bomb squad ’ of frozen-out players. It’s an attacking line-up, sure, but would they have more goals in them than the side Chelsea put out against Manchester City at the weekend? Tough call.
“They can even have a 20-year contract,” Maresca added of his outcasts. “It’s not my point. I don’t care.
” He may not care, but Row Z cert.