A woman who washed her hands in a public bathroom five years ago only to discover that it had one of those shitty old-fashioned metal hand-dryers, should be finished soon, she has advised. “My hands are still a bit damp – just another few weeks and I should be ready,” Adelaide woman Chelsea Lambert confirmed, conceding that it was hard to say if her hands were actually any dryer than when she started. Lambert, who has missed important milestones like birthdays and weddings, as well as the entire pandemic while standing with her hands under the dryer, said she was ready to move on with her life.
“I was supposed to catch up with a friend for a coffee in 2019, so hopefully she doesn’t mind that I’m a bit late”. Scientist Penelope Richards said it was still unclear how a machine that was as loud as a two-stroke lawn mower, used as much energy as a small house, and had a sole purpose of drying hands, was so good at not drying hands. “We’ve done experiments which show that hands sometimes inexplicably emerge wetter than when they were first placed under one of these devices.
More research is required”..