Hi Eva, I’m a 34-year-old guy working in the “creative industries”, and have been with my girlfriend, who’s 35, for almost three years. We’re very happy together, we travel, we’re trying to buy a flat, etc. However, my girlfriend has recently started talking seriously about wanting to have kids.
For a long time, I hadn’t thought about it, and when I did, my inclination was that I didn’t want to. As I said, I have a creative (ie: unstable) job, and aside from anything else, the idea of providing for a family stresses me out. I don’t want to lose her, but I don’t want to stop her from fulfilling her dreams, and I feel completely incapable of even thinking about a kid, let alone having one.
I just don’t think I can do it. Bob Got a question for Eva? Drop her an email, here: AskEva @ condenast . co .
uk. Oh, Bob: this is you thinking about it! You’re doing it, right here; you’re starting to lay it all out, for me, for you. You’re sketching out the beginning of a conversation you can have with your girlfriend.
You’re investigating the anxieties (like your financial instability) that contribute to your wariness around having kids. It’s a very good start. In my experience, the decision of whether or not to have a baby is never just about having a baby.
It’s about responsibility; it’s about our experiences of family; it’s about our fears of loneliness or dreams of completion; it’s about questioning our place in the world, who we are, who we wan.